Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest…
For I have synonymed.
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.
“I know for a fact we are gonna win,” said God. “We have all the best players up here…Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on.”
“I wouldn’t count on that, God,” said Satan. “You see, down here, we have all the referees.”
Which Pope smells the nicest?
Why did Buddha start pulling coins out of his butt?
Because change comes from within.
I accidentally drank some holy water with my laxative.
I’m about to start a religious movement.
I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest.
It’s his altar ego.
The only thing flat-earthers fear …
is sphere itself.
I just joined a gym for religious minorities.
I never knew how technologically advanced Moses was.
But today I learned he had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.
Turns out they just needed a higher power.
When is the Bible most accurate?
When it’s thrown from close range.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light.”
There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane?
My Muslim co-worker brought a CD copy of the Quran into work today.
He got really annoyed when I asked if I could burn a copy.