Lent Jokes And Puns

These funny Lent jokes and puns really are excel-lent! You definitely won’t wish you’d given them up once you read them, so we recommend you start reading them fast!

Header image for a page of funny Lent jokes and puns.

Funny Lent Jokes

Lent is the best time of the year to run a marathon.

Because that’s when you fast.

I was going to give up lunch meat for Lent…

But I just couldn’t quit cold turkey.

I’m giving up negativity for Lent.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

A man walks into a church, outside of mass hours and finds the priest.

He pulls out a gun and says, “Give me everything you have.”

The priest panics and desperately searches his pockets.

He doesn’t have any money on him, but he finds several pieces of wrapped candy, which he holds out and says, “I’m sorry. This is all I have!”

The robber replies, “But Father, I gave up candy for Lent!”

I’m giving up spreadsheets for forty days.

Excel Lent.

A bartender notices that every evening, without fail, one of his patrons orders three beers.

After several weeks of noticing this pattern, the bartender asks the man why he always orders three beers.

The man says, “I have two brothers who have moved away to different countries. We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank as a way of keeping up the family bond.”

Several weeks later, noticing that the man only ordered two beers, the bartender says, “Please accept my condolences on the death of one of your brothers. You know, the two beers and all…”

The man replies, “You’ll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well. It’s just that I, myself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent.”

A particular family in LA has been abstaining from using one letter of the alphabet for Lent each year, since 2001.

It started as a joke, giving up “A” in 2002 and “B” in 2003, but developed into a strong family tradition.

This year, one of the members has a tough choice to make.

Unlike the rest of the Astleys, Rick made a solemn vow…

Sean Connery’s doctor told him that it wasn’t healthy to keep eating entire eggs, shells and all.

“Just give it up for 40 days in the spring, and I bet you’ll feel better.”

The actor took his advice, and returned after 40 days.

“How was it?” the doctor asked.

Sean Connery smiled. “Eggshell-Lent!”

Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?

They fast during Lent.

There should be a holiday where we remember all the borrowed items we’ve given out that have never been returned.

We’ll call it “Lent”.

Why couldn’t the priest find his rosary?

Because it was Lent.

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic neighborhood.

On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill.

Meanwhile all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.

This went on each Friday during Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and decided that something just had to be done about John; he was just tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn’t take it anymore.

They decided to try and convert him to be Catholic.

They went over and talked with him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic.

They took him to church and the priest sprinkled some water over him and told him, “Your were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist and now you are a Catholic”.

The men of the neighborhood were so relieved, now their biggest Lent temptation was resolved.

The next year’s Lent rolled around.

The first Friday of Lent came and just at supper time when the neighborhood was setting down to their fish dinners came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill.

The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! What was going on???

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John’s yard to see if he had forgotten it was a Friday in Lent.

The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water.

He was pouring small droplets over his steak on the grill and saying, “You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish.”

It was a young couple’s wedding night and as the night wore on the bride grew more and more anxious to consumate their marriage.

Finally she said, “Um, honey? It’s getting late and aren’t we going to – well – do it?”

“I can’t,” said her husband. “It’s Lent.”

“It’s lent?!” she exclaimed. “That’s ridiculous! To who and for how long?”

A priest is walking down the street when a man pushes him into an alleyway and points a gun at him.

“Give me all your money or I’ll shoot you.”

The priest opens his jacket to grab his wallet and the man sees his collar.

“Oh, I’m sorry Father, I wouldn’t have robbed you if I knew you were a priest.”

The priest then asks, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any money, but may I offer you a cigarette?”

The man shakes his head and replies,”No, thank you. I gave up cigarettes for Lent.”

Rick Astley is a bad Catholic.

He won’t even give you up during Lent.

A Catholic priest spied a parishioner enjoying some tasty smoked sausage on Friday during Lent – a strict no-no in the church.

The priest, being a pragmatic soul, told the man for his penance he was to bring a load of lumber to the church to help repair the roof.

The man grumbled, but went off to do his penance.

He arrived at the church on the next Friday and proceeded to dump a huge load of sawdust into the parking lot.

“What’s this?” the priest wanted to know. “I told you your penance was a load of lumber, not sawdust.”

The man replied coolly, “Well, if that sausage I ate was meat, then this sawdust is lumber.”

Lent is when I determine which addictions I still have some control over.

What does the Pope eat during Lent?

Holy mackerel!

I’ve given up picking my belly button for lint.

Lent was invented so that Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.

For Lent this year, I’m just giving up.

Jokes About Lent

If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about Lent, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes and other fun, such as these:

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