Nun Jokes

Telling funny nun jokes is a farce of habit for us and we pray that you’ll like them! We’re sure you will – they’re nun-believably hilarious!

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Funny Nun Jokes & Puns

I met a nun that wiped her nose on her clothes.

She had a nasty habit.

What did the priest say to the nun at the salad bar?

Lettuce pray.

A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin’ Catholic.

Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.

She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.

What do you call a holy woman that works in your office?

Nun of your business.

If a nun’s robes were made of adamantium…

It’d be a hard habit to break.

Do you know how many women have been pope?


Why did the blind nun fall down the well?

She couldn’t see that well.

I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it’s a farce of habit.

I wrote a novel about religious women.

The library put it in the nun fiction section.

I know a nun who says her nightly prayers in the shower.

She does it out of habit.

Three nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter.

St Peter says to the nuns, “Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven.”

He looks to the first nun and asks, “Where did the first woman live?”

The first nun quickly replied, “The garden of Eden”.

St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun. “What was the name of the first woman?”

The second nun pauses for a second and then replies, “Eve.”

“Well done!” Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying, “As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?”

The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says, “Oh, that’s a hard one”.

“Correct!” Says St Peter. “You may enter.”

Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign which reads, “You’re headed down a dark and dangerous path, turn back before it’s too late!”

The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard.

One of the nuns thoughtfully says, “Sister, shall we just write: ‘Attention, the bridge is demolished?'”

What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin mobile.

A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock of the door. She says, “Who is it?”

“It’s the blind man,” comes the response.

Okay, thinks the nun. “Come in then”.

In walks the man and says, “Hi, now where do you want this blind?”

How many religious women does it take to change a light bulb?


What do you call nun in heaven?

If you guessed “Heaven nun” you are wrong.

If you guessed “Angel nun” you are wrong.

The answer is “Nun of the above”.

What do you call oyster nuns?


A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

The nun says, “Mother Superior told me.”

To which the man asks, “So, have you ever tried it?”

The nun replies, “No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor.”

The man says, “Well then, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life.”

The nun agrees, “Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking.”

The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.”

The bartender looks at the man and says, “Is that nun in here again?”

Did you hear about the lonely preacher who invited women to his birthday party?

Nun showed up.

What is black and white, black and white, black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill.

Female monasteries are nun-profit.

Two nuns walking through the park were confronted by a flasher.

The old nun immediately had a stroke.

The younger one didn’t touch it.

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