There’s no crocks among these snappy alligator and crocodile jokes!
Alligators and crocodiles are often confused with each other because at first glance they look very similar but there are actually big differences between the two. Not that that matters here, of course, because we’ve got you covered with this huge collection of both alligator jokes and crocodile jokes.
Alligator Jokes
First up is our selection of hilarious alligator jokes and puns. See you later!
1. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investi-gator.
2. What’s the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
One you’ll see in a while and the other you’ll see later.
3. What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
4. Who gives alligators presents at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
5. What do you call an alligator with GPS?
A navi-gator.
6. What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gator.
7. What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower?
I don’t know, but I’m not going to smell it.
8. Why should you never play poker with an alligator?
You will lose every hand.
9. A man walks into a bar with an alligator.
He asks the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
The bartender replies, “Yes, of course.”
The man says, “Great, I’ll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator.”
10. What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
11. What do alligators drink before a race?
Gator-ade.
12. What do you call a thieving alligator?
A crook-adile.
13. Why are alligators long and green?
Because if they were small and red, they would be tomatoes.
14. Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet?
But most only have 4.
15. What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
16. How many arms has an alligator got?
It depends how far he has got with eating his dinner.
17. Alligators can live up to 100 years.
Which is why there’s an increased chance that they will see you later.
18. What do you call an alligator who wears Crocs?
A sell-out.
19. What do you call an alligator who works in a food shop?
A deli-gator.
20. What do you call an alligator who works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
21. What do you call an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food?
An alligrator.
22. Did you hear about the gator that became a muslim?
He was an Allah gator.
23. What do thirsty alligators drink?
Gatorade.
24. What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An alley-gator.
25. What do alligators do in an emergency?
They croco-dial 911.
26. What do you get if you cross an alligator with a pickle?
A crocodill.
27. What do you call an alligator who causes other alligators to fight?
An agitator.
28. What does an alligator have on their bathroom walls?
Croco-tiles.
29. What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
30. How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
Crocodile Jokes
Now you’ve made your way through our alligator jokes (does that make you a navigator?), here’s our favorite crocodile jokes. See you in a while!
1. What do you call a crocodile who likes bowling?
An alley-gator.
2. Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
3. I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
4. What time is it when you see a crocodile?
Time to run.
5. Paddy and Mick see an expensive pair of crocodile shoes in a Dublin City shop one day, while out shopping.
Paddy says, “Look at the price of those shoes. I think we should get ourselves into that line of business.”
So they fly out to Africa, set up beside a notorious crocodile infested lake and go to work catching crocodiles.
After a long, hard day’s work they have left a long line of dead crocodiles all along the lake shore.
They’ve worked hard but are getting more frustrated and angry as the day comes to an end.
Mick finally gives in, saying, “This isn’t working, we’ve killed 26 crocodiles today and not one of them are any use to us!”
“I know, I know,” replied Paddy. ” I don’t know what’s going on. I tell you what, we’ll catch one more more croc and if it’s not wearing any shoes either, we’ll just go home.”
6. What do you get when you cross a crocodile with a chicken?
A crock-adoodledoo.
7. Why can’t crocodiles ever admit that they’re wrong?
Because they live in da Nile.
8. A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
9. What do you call a person who loves crocodiles?
A crocophile.
10. What do you get when a group of crocodiles get together and decide to start singing parody songs?
A pun croc band.
11. Who gives crocodiles presents at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
12. Why don’t crocodiles like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it.
13. What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
14. I always get a rash when I wear polo shirts with little crocodiles on them.
I am Lacoste intolerant.
15. Did you hear about the crocodile and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
16. Why should you never ever play poker with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
17. What’s a crocodile’s favorite card game?
Snap.
18. What do you say to a crocodile on its birthday?
Snappy birthday.
19. I saw someone driving with a crocodile reading a map in the passenger seat.
I asked what was going on, and the driver said, “That’s my Navi Gator”.
20. I think my pet crocodile is an amateur photographer.
He’s a bit of a snapper.
21. What do crocodiles wear in the water to keep their legs dry?
Gaiters.
22. How do crocodiles do math sums?
They use a calcu-gator.
23. What do crocodiles call small people?
Appetizers.
24. The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country.
I think they’re in de Nile.
25. What happens if you kiss a crocodile?
You turn into a meal.
26. Where do you find croc food at the pet store?
In the croco-aisle.
27. What’s worse than one crocodile chasing you?
Two crocodiles chasing you.
28. Why should you never double-cross a crocodile?
It might come back to bite you in the end.
29. What do you call a group of crocs sleeping on top of each other?
A croco-pile.
30. Why are crocs so cool?
They have croco-style.
More Funny Animal Jokes & Puns
If you enjoyed our funny crocodile and alligator jokes and puns, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for many more funny jokes too, including these:
