Funny Relationship QuotesFunny Relationship Quotes

You’re sure to have an instant connection with these funny relationship quotes and sayings!

In fact, we think you’ll fall in love with them at first sight.

So here’s our favorite funny relationship quotes…

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. ~ Groucho Marx
A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright. ~ Lucille Ball
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~ Joan Rivers
Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. ~ Oscar Wilde
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. ~ Will Ferrell
Women are cursed, and men are the proof. ~ Roseanne Barr
Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. ~ Richard Jeni
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen
I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~ Rita Rudner
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. ~ Mark Twain
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ~ Henry Youngman
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ~ Sharon Stone
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. ~ Groucho Marx
Relationships are basically just two people constantly asking each other what they want to eat, until one of them dies. ~ Unknown
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal
Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge. ~ Ronny Shakes
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~ Oscar Wilde
When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows. ~ Frederick Ryder
The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them must be good at taking orders. ~ Linda Festa
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. ~ Chris Rock
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie
The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends. ~ Bobby Kelton
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house. ~ Lewis Grizzard
When I want to end a relationship I just say, “You know, I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks. ~ Rita Rudner
I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Funny Relationship Quotes

If you liked these funny relationship quotes, we think you’ll love the rest of our funny quotes and sayings too, including our marriage quotes and our sex quotes as well as these:

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