3 years ago I married my best friend.
My girlfriend was angry but me and Dave thought it was hilarious.
My wife and I were having this huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Finally, I threw in the towel.
My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it.
She soon came around.
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning.
It’s a girl and weighs 7 lbs 12 oz.
My new girlfriend told me I’m terrible in bed.
I told her it’s unfair to make a judgement in less than a minute.
My wife just threw away my favorite herb.
She’s such a thyme waster.
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I’m mature, I’m moral, I’m pure, I’m polite and I’m perfect!
Then she added that I also had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces.
I spent $80 on a belt that didn’t fit.
My wife said it was a huge waist.
My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with tennis – and I’m too old.
I said, “I’m only 40 love.”
My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.
I have some breaking news for her.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.
She made an appointment for Tuesday.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.
My girlfriend just couldn’t accept my obsession with horoscopes.
In the end it Taurus apart.
My wife tells me I have 2 major faults.
I don’t listen – and something else.
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was as easy as pie.
Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?