Funny Friendship Quotes / Best Friend Quotes

As the old saying goes, you can’t choose your family (although you can still care for them!) but you can choose your friends. And if you’re lucky enough to have fantastic friends in your life then you should cherish them and be thankful. That doesn’t mean you can’t disagree and have arguments though!

These funny friendship quotes sum up in amusing ways exactly what a close friendship is all about.

We hope you enjoy them.

A page of funny friendship quotes

Funny Friendship Quotes

When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, “Damn, that was fun.”

Groucho Marx

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling it brings.

Robert Block

A friend in need is a friend to be avoided.

Lord Samuel

It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.

Mignon McLaughlin

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.

Linda Grayson

Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.


Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you.

Elbert Hubbard

Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason.

Mason Cooley

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.

Laurence J. Peter

A good friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body.

Steven J. Daniels

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

Oscar Wilde

Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.

Gore Vidal

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.

Greg Tamlyn

The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.

Jay McInerney

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man of active and resilient mind outwears his friendships just as certainly as he outwears his love affairs, his politics and his epistemology.

H. L. Mencken

Love is blind; friendship tries not to notice.

Otto von Bismarck

Your friends will believe in your potential, your enemies will make you live up to it.

Tim Fargo

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

William Blake

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn’t seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Oscar Wilde

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.

Marlene Dietrich

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.

Douglas Pagels

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

Oprah Winfrey

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.

Aaron Machado

My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven’t met yet. She’s now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia.

Dame Edna Everage

‘Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.

Charles Lamb

When we make friends then we change from being animals to being human.

Stephen Richards

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else.

Len Wein

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

Oscar Wilde

There is a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his.

Benjamin Franklin

Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.

Edwin Arlington Robinson

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Bernard Meltzer

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C.S. Lewis

Never tell your friends, “I told you so” – even when you did.

Wendy Jean Smith

It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.

Zora Neale Hurston

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Mark Twain

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

Benjamin Franklin

Few friendships would survive if each one knew what his friend says of him behind his back.

Blaise Pascal

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.

Arnold H. Glasow

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

Doug Larson

You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.


Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality.

W.H. Auden

A friend in power is a friend lost.

Henry Adams

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.

Friedrich Nietzsche

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

George Carlin

A blow from your friend is better than a kiss from your enemy.


One has a right to judge a man by the effect he has over his friends.

Oscar Wilde

I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.

Guy Endore-Kaiser

Never explain – your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway.

Elbert Hubbard

Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long.

Robert Staughton Lynd

Friendship is but another name for an alliance with the follies and the misfortunes of others. Our own share of miseries is sufficient: why enter then as volunteers into those of another?

Thomas Jefferson

Having a sister or a friend is like sitting at night in a lighted house. Those outside can watch you if they want, but you need not see them. You simply say, “Here are the perimeters of our attention. If you prowl around under the windows till the crickets go silent, we will pull the shades. If you wish us to suffer your envious curiosity, you must permit us not to notice it.” Anyone with one solid human bond is that smug, and it is the smugness as much as the comfort and safety that lonely people covet and admire.

Marilynne Robinson

Funny Quotes About Friendship

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