We men are often the brunt of some disdain from the female of the species and quite rightly so! Of course, with our good senses of humor, it’s not a problem… So both men and women can enjoy these funny quotes about men! Enjoy!
44 Funny Quotes About Men
Macho does not prove mucho.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper
I don’t mind men who kiss and tell. I need all the publicity I can get.
Ruth Buzzi
It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.
Mae West
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
Mae West
No nice men are good at getting taxis.
Katharine Whitehorn
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren’t looking, they notice her breasts.
Conan O’Brien
I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery. I insist on believing that some men are my equals.
Brigid Brophy
Men don’t get cellulite. God just might be a man.
Rita Rudner
I like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.
Mae West
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary
I married beneath me. All women do.
Nancy Astor
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Rita Rudner
I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
Dorothy Parker
Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Mae West
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.
Rita Rudner
The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on women.
Nancy Astor
Women have their faults, men have only two: everything they say, everything they do.
Unknown
Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.
Nora Ephron
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Rita Rudner
Women want mediocre men, and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
Margaret Mead
Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself – like, for instance, he can’t find any clean socks.
Jean Kerr
The only place men want depth in a woman is in her decolletage.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.
Oscar Wilde
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Rita Rudner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
Elaine Boosler
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
You educate a man; you educate a man. You educate a woman; you educate a generation.
Brigham Young
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
Mark Twain
No woman really wants a man to carry her off; she only wants him to want to do it.
Elizabeth Peters
Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story.
Daphne du Maurier
In politics, If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams
Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this. Men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
Robert Jordan
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
Conan O’Brien
Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.
Plato
I’d never seen men hold each other. I thought the only thing they were allowed to do was shake hands or fight.
Rita Mae Brown
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.
Mae West
Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.
Joseph Conrad
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.
Lady Gaga
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
Winston Churchill
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
John Lennon
Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Neil Gaiman
Funny Men Quotes
If you enjoyed these funny quotes about men, why not check out all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these:
