Gnome laughing at funny jokes

Hard To Get Hold Of

“Are you serious – I can’t believe you’ve never had a mobile phone?” asked a girl I was chatting to in a nightclub.

“What if your parents died and someone needed to get hold of you?”

“Well that’s hardly likely to happen, they died 6 years ago!” I said angrily.

“Oh I’m so sorry, you still sound really hurt?” she replied.

I said, “Of course I am, I only heard about it 2 days ago.”

Boy laughing at short funny joke

Difficult Text

It’s always difficult texting someone to tell them a loved one has passed away…

Especially when your name is Lol.

Funny Short Joke

Pasta Joke

My sister bet me 100 dollars that I couldn’t build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta…

People Laughing

Unbalanced

I was at the cash machine the other day when a little old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance for her.

So I pushed her over.

Funny Joke

Deck of Cards Joke

I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn’t been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.

They told me they were still dealing with my order…

Gnome laughing at funny jokes

On Her Death Bed

A young woman is lying on her death bed close to the end. Her husband comes into the room and gently takes hold of her hand to comfort her.

The woman musters up what’s left of her strength and whispers “Darling, I must come clean with you”.

The man hushes her, telling her to save her strength.

She ignores him and continues anyway telling him that she hasn’t been completely faithful to him and that she’s had multiple affairs with his brother, father, sister and uncle.

The man replies “I know darling, why do you think I poisoned you?”