Funny Work Quotes And Sayings

We’ve been working hard to bring together all these funny work quotes for you. We’re sure you’ll grow to love them as much as us over-time!

The poet Philip Larkin wrote in his poem Toads:

Why should I let the toad work

Squat on my life?

Can’t I use my wit as a pitchfork

And drive the brute off?

Here’s a collection of hilarious quotes about work and jobs so you can use other people’s wit to drive the brute off, or at least to make work seem less brutish. Enjoy them.

A collection of funny work quotes

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ~ Robert Benchley

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~ Oscar Wilde

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. ~ George Carlin

If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings.” ~ Dave Barry

Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. ~ C. Northcote Parkinson

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. ~ Charles Lamb

As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. ~ Tom Goins

Work is much more fun than fun. ~ Noel Coward

A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love, but doesn’t know any women. ~ Unknown

When a man tells you he got rich through hard work, ask him whose? ~ Don Marquis

Indeed I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do. ~ Oscar Wilde

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. ~ John Gotti

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~ Edgar Bergen

Normally I miss deadlines like a storm trooper misses Jedi. ~ Patrick Rothfuss

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. ~ Lane Kirkland

One of the symptoms of approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important. ~ Bertrand Russell

If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. ~ Albert Einstein

Personally, I have nothing against work, particularly when performed, quietly and unobtrusively, by someone else. ~ Barbara Ehrenreich

No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early. ~ Groucho Marx

I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it. ~ Ziad K. Abdelnour

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. ~ Oscar Wilde

People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can’t be fixed. ~ Rick Riordan

I truly believe the wireless mouse was invented so people at work had one less thing to hang themselves with. ~ Mike Vanatta

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. ~ Charles J. Sykes

I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don’t work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick. ~ Jarod Kintz

Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore. ~ Lady Gaga

Nine people can’t make a baby in a month. ~ Fred Brooks

Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Are you aware that rushing toward a goal is a sublimated death wish? It’s no coincidence we call them “deadlines.” ~ Tom Robbins

I am a person who works well under pressure. In fact, I work so well under pressure that at times, I will procrastinate in order to create this pressure. ~ Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn’t feel like it; an amateur is one who can’t when he does feel like it. ~ James Agate

Apparently I lack some particular perversion which today’s employer is seeking. ~ John Kennedy Toole


Funny Quotes About Work

If you liked these funny work quotes, take a look at the rest of our funny quotes collections too, including these:

A collection of funny quotes about life
An enriching collection of funny money quotes
A selection of funny quotes about time
A collection of hilariously funny graduation quotes
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A collection of funny good morning quotes