Boy laughing at short funny joke

Got A Light?

Today this guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter.

I said, “Of course, give me your packet.”

He handed over his packet of cigarettes and I took one out and gave it him back saying, “There you go.”

“What’s that?” he said all confused.

I said, “It’s a cigarette lighter.”

Funny One Liners

Memories

I walked down a street today where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

That was a trip down memory lane.

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Goggle Box

My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.

After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on”.

Smiley in sunglasses laughing at really funny joke

Chemical Attack

I was walking through the park last night and one guy threw sodium chloride on me and another covered me in sulphuric acid.

It was terrible. I didn’t know how to react.

Funny Joke

Funny Dog Poop Joke

I was walking along the street yesterday when I slipped in some dog dirt.

A minute later this big guy did the same thing. I said to him, “I just did that.”

He punched me in the face.

Women laughing at hilarious joke

Lovers Names Joke

When I see lovers names engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic…

I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Hilarious Jokes

Organic Vegetables

My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market.

I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”

The produce guy looked at me and said, “No. You’ll have to do that yourself.”