Smiley laughing at extremely funny joke!

Stoned Before Auction

I always make sure I get stoned before I go to an auction.

That way even if I don’t win anything, I’m always the highest bidder.

Grinning at good joke

Is It Too Hot?

My pregnant wife asked me if I ever worried it would be too hot for the baby inside her.

I said, “Nah, it’s probably womb temperature.”

Idiot smiley laughing at hilarious joke

Really Smart Girlfriend

I left my phone at home so I borrowed my friend’s to call my girlfriend.

She answered, “Hi, honey!”

What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!

Smiley grinning at funny joke

Clown Face

Yesterday, I painted half of my face like a clown and went for a drive.

I don’t think anyone saw the funny side.

Funny face laughing at hilarious clean joke

Rock, Paper, Scissors

I got pulled over by a traffic cop. He walked up to my window and said, “Papers.”

I said, “Scissors, I win…” and I drove off.

He must be desperate for a re-match because he’s been chasing me for ages.