Sister Jokes

We in-sister you’ll enjoy these funny sister jokes and puns! Some of them may sound familia but one thing you can be sure of – they’re all hilarious!

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Funny Sister Jokes And Puns

Everyone knows Alan Turing who cracked Enigma codes.

But nobody knows his sister Kay, who provided drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues during that time.

I just found out my wife has a twin sister.

I saw her on Tinder.

My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character.

His sister Chewbacca not so much.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my sister.

My sister majored in Philosophy.

I saw her sobbing the other day, worried she won’t get a job.

I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

Cardi B has a sister who’s a fitness instructor.

Her name is Cardi O.

I told my friend a cannibal took my sister to see a Russell Crowe movie.

He asked, “Gladiator?”

I said, “No, I really miss her.”

Karl Marx is a historically famous philosopher, but no one mentions his sister.

Onya, the inventor of the starting pistol.

My sister keeps judging people by their sound systems.

I told her to stop being so stereotypical.

My sister asked for me to bring her something hard to write on.

I don’t know why she got so mad at me.

It’s pretty hard to write on sand.

A guy just told me that my wife and my daughter look like sisters.

I told him, “Well, they were separated at birth.”

What do you say to your sister when she’s crying?

Are you having a crisis?

How did the Redneck find his sister in the woods?

Attractive.

My sister turned off the TV on me whilst I was watching it today.

After a few moments of staring at the blank screen, I thought to myself, “That’s not on”.

My sister bet me 100 dollars that I couldn’t build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, dad.

Dad: No problem Quarantine.

My twin sister always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

What do you call a helpful sister?

Assister.

My sister got married the other day and now has 16 husbands.

Four richer, four poorer, four better and four worse.

Before I did my musical audition my sister said break a leg.

I asked her why.

She said that she wanted me put in a cast.

My sister just lost her tongue in a bad accident.

I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.

I have a half-sister.

Shark attacks are brutal.

Did you know Darth Vader has a sister?

Her name is Ella.

I miss my sister.

But my aim is getting better.

I tickled my little sister’s foot this morning and my mum went crazy about it.

Something about waiting until she was born.

“Hey dad why is my sister called Teresa?”

“Because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter!”

“Thanks dad!”

“No problem Alan.”

Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, “As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”

“Well,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London , the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”

“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “Back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!”

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

Then the Englishman asked, “Did this actually happen to you?”

“Not to me, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “But it did happen to me sister quite a few times.”

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their check book, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, ‘comfortable.’”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, ‘comfortable’?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

“Dad, why is my sister called Paris?”

“Because we conceived her in Paris.”

“Ahh, thanks Dad!”

“You’re welcome, Backseat.”

My sister asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, “Take off my skirt.”

I took off her skirt.

“Take off my shoes.”

I took off her shoes.

“Now take off my bra and panties.”

And so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, “I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again.”

More Funny Jokes

If you liked out funny sister jokes and puns, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more really funny jokes such as these: