Funny Atheist Jokes And Humor
Atheist jokes don't need a higher power to be funny.
They're definitely out of this world when it comes to their laughter-invoking ability though!
So we hope you enjoy these funny atheist jokes.
Surprised, he asked the orangutan, "Why are you reading both of those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.
In big bangs.
They've got no-one to talk to during orgasm.
Her mother asks her what's wrong.
She says, "Bill proposed to me an hour ago."
Her mother asks, "Why are you so sad then?"
The girl replies, "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."
Her mother says, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
They stay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog.
The theologian chuckled and said, "Metaphysics is a blind man in a dark room searching for a black cat."
The metaphysician replied, "At least the cat exists."
I guess they don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn't believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
Religion: "The big magic sky-man made it all, now give me some money."
And then he wiped out the entire human race with a global flood just because people didn't take it seriously.
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won't claim that god did it.
"Wow," he says to God, "you know I didn't expect to be here. I'm an atheist and on top of that I thought you're not supposed to go to heaven if you kill yourself." "No, it's okay," says God. "I've thought about suicide myself." "Really?" asks the man. "Why?" "Well," God says, "What if this is all there is?"
"Wow," he says to God, "you know I didn't expect to be here. I'm an atheist and on top of that I thought you're not supposed to go to heaven if you kill yourself."
"No, it's okay," says God. "I've thought about suicide myself."
"Really?" asks the man. "Why?"
"Well," God says, "What if this is all there is?"
He used to create universes and flood the entire Earth - now he can only manage to appear on toast.
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.
Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air.
There's just one girl who doesn't raise her hand.
So the teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
The girl says, "Because I'm not a Christian."
The teacher asks, "So what are you then?"
The girl replies, "I'm an atheist."
The teacher's a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she's an atheist.
The girl says, "It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom's atheist, and my Dad's atheist, so I'm atheist."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?"
"Then," says the girl, "I'd be a born-again Christian."
They give people hope all the time but they don't help when an actual disaster strikes.
He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?"
The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
If evolution worked properly, there wouldn't be any religious people.
Funny Atheist Jokes
If you liked these atheist jokes, be sure to check out the rest of our site for lots more funny religious jokes, such as these: