A collection of really bad Dad jokesBad Dad Jokes

It seems that once they reach a certain age, all fathers start to tell really bad Dad jokes.

Maybe they do it just to wind their kids up, who knows.

Whatever the reason, we love them and so here’s a collection of cringe-inducingly bad Dad jokes that are somehow still funny …

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

He woke up.

I’m like the fabric version of King Midas.

Everything I touch becomes felt.

I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.

Needless to say, I’m ex-static.

Why did the coffee go to the police?

It got mugged.

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.

I knew I shouldn’t have had the sea food.

I’m feeling a little eel.

What do prisoners use to call each other?

Cell phones.

I’ve just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam programme I’ve ever seen.

What do you call an old person with really good hearing?

Deaf defying.

My wife keeps telling me to stop pretending to be butter…

But I’m on a roll now.

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.

It’s a complete rip-off.

How does Darth Vader like his toast?

On the dark side.

A proud new Dad sits down with his own father for a celebratory drink.

His father says, “Son, now you’ve got a child of your own, I think it’s time you had this.”

And with that, he pulls out a book called, “1001 Dad Jokes”.

The new Dad says, “Dad, I’m honored,” as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, “Hi Honored, I’m Dad.”

I’m the Norse god of mischief but I don’t like to talk about it.

I guess you could say I’m low-key.

When’s the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

The circle is just the most ridiculous shape in the world.

There’s absolutely no point to it.

There’s been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris.

There’s nothing left but de Brie.

Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.

I woke up exhausted.

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?

When it’s stood in the doorway of the barn.

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

At sundae school.

After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the table.

I needed a run up, but I made it.

If prisoners could take their own mug shots, would they be called cellfies?
Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four doors, they’d be chicken sedans.

What do you call a cake baked by a hooker?

Hoe-made.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.

This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in.

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?

A frog says, “Ribbit, Ribbit” and a horny toad says, “Rub it, Rub it”.

My son must have been relieved to have finally been born.

He looked like he was running out of womb in there.

How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

If you want more jokes like these bad Dad jokes, check out the rest of our funny jokes pages.

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