Vasectomy Jokes

When it comes to surgery vasectomies are a whole different ball game. And the same is true of these funny vasectomy jokes and puns. There’s a vas deferens between these and any others you may find!

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Funny Vasectomy Jokes & Puns

Did you hear about the doctor who botched a vasectomy?

He missed and got the sack.

My wife said, “You got a vasectomy without telling me. Are you serious?”

I said, “I’m not kidding you.”

What does a king call a vasectomy?

A heir cut.

The doctor’s price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

I can take my arm being sore, or even my leg. That’s no problem.

But a vasectomy? That’s a whole different ball game.

I got a vasectomy so my wife wouldn’t get pregnant.

But apparently all it does is change the color of the baby.

What do a Christmas tree and a vasectomy have in common?

The balls are only ornamental

The surgeon was fired after my botched vasectomy.

Still got a severance package.

The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy…

Really got the ball rolling.

I told the doctor I wanted a vasectomy.

He said to me, “This is a major decision. Have you talked it over with your wife and kids?”

I said, “Yeah, they’re in favor, 17-2.”

I used to be a mass murderer.

But then I got a vasectomy.

I’m really confident about my vasectomy.

I’m sure it’s gonna make a vas deferens.

My wife carries condoms in her purse but I had a vasectomy four years ago.

Poor thing, she has become so forgetful.

I went to get a vasectomy because I don’t want to have any children.

But when I went back home they were still there.

I had always thought becoming sterile through testicular trauma was the same as having a vasectomy.

Turns out, there’s a vas deferens.

An old hillbilly goes in for a vasectomy wearing a tuxedo.

When he arrives, the doctor asks him, “Sir, why are you wearing a tuxedo?”

The old hillbilly says, “You said I was gonna be impotent. I figured if I’s gonna be impotent, I better look impotent too.”

My lesbian neighbours, Eva and Julia, asked me to help them conceive a child recently.

They said they wouldn’t mind if we did it the “old fashioned way” as they weren’t man haters.

For six months now we’ve been trying but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.

The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (big firework), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”

So the couple drove across the state border into Georgia to get a second opinion.

The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.

The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count ‘1, 2, 3, 4, 5…’ at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

My wife wants to prove she’s brave enough to get a vasectomy.

I told her she doesn’t have the balls to do it.

Vasectomy or no vasectomy,

Vas the deferens.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?

A dry martinez.

Ater a vasectomy, make sure to ice your nuts.

It makes a vas deferens.

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