Narcissist Jokes And Puns

You may think these funny narcissist jokes are all about you but we wouldn’t be so self-centered; they’re for everyone to share!

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Funny Narcissist Jokes

Why are all vampires narcissists?

Because they’re incapable of self-reflection.

What’s a narcissists favorite keyboard shortcut?

Ctrl U.

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to hold the lightbulb and the rest of the world to revolve around them.

My doctor said that my narcissistic tendencies cause me to misread social interactions.

I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

What does the narcissistic cow say?


I used to be a narcissist.

But now look at me.

I’m a paranoid narcissist.

I’m afraid no one’s out to get me!

My therapist says I’m narcissistic.

How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?

I’m not narcissistic.

I am way better than that.

How do you spot a narcissist in a grocery store?

He’ll be doing the self checkout.

What do you call a narcissist criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

My roommate just told me I’m a narcissist.

I said, “No, I’m better than that.”

Therapy patients are narcissists.

All they do is talk about their own problems.

What is the perfect profession for narcissists?

Architect. Because they’ll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.

What did the narcissist say to the cannibal?

“I’m kinda a big meal.”

Narcissists are like Russian dolls.

Full of themselves.

What do you call a narcissistic lobster?


How do you know your keyboard is narcissistic?

All it ever types about is I.

I was at the mall the other day, and I overheard two women talking about someone they know who has narcissistic personality disorder.

I’m pretty sure they were talking about me.

I think my grocery store is trying to turn me into a narcissist…

Every time I go there they make me check myself out.

My psychiatrist said I have a narcissistic personality.

I don’t know what that means, but must be pretty good if I’ve got it.

A narcissist walks into a bar and orders a drink for the handsome gent winking at him from the opposite side of the room.

The bartender looks around.

“Sir, that’s a mirror.”

My therapist claims I’m a narcissist, but what does he know?

Clearly not as much as me.

I don’t understand why everyone keeps calling me a narcissist.

They’re probably just jealous because I’m better than them.

You know what the best thing about being a narcissist is?


You know what the most infuriating thing about narcissists is?

They never think about how their actions affect me!

I don’t think I could ever be a narcissist.

I’m too perfect.

Jokes About Narcissists

If you enjoyed these hilarious puns and jokes about narcissists, take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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