Rev yourself up for our funny motorcycle jokes. Out on the highway, with the wind in your hair. What could be better? Well if you were on a motorbike it'd be better!
There's plenty of laughs to be had about bikes and bikers, so please enjoy our collection of funny motorcycle jokes.
I love my motorcycle - it's great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
One fine summer's evening, Paddy, Mick and Liam are riding back home from the bar, all three of them on Paddy's motorcycle.
Of course, they get stopped by a cop who says to them, "This motorcycle is only licensed to carry two people, and there are three of you. One of you will have to get off and walk."
"Three of us?" says Paddy as he turns to Mick. "Jeez, what happened to Rory and Niall?"
What do a Harley Davidson and a porcupine have in common?
They've both got pricks on the back.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled at my wife. "You've reversed the car over my motorbike!"
"It's your own fault," she said. "You're the one that left it in the shed."
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated on him and when he came round he was relieved when they told him all had gone to plan and he was going to be fine.
But the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. He was worried that something may be wrong but he was still too weak from the surgery to do anything. Eventually, he managed to pull his hospital gown down enough to check what was causing the discomfort. When he looked down at his chest he saw three wide strips of ultra-adhesive tape stuck firmly to him. Written on it in large black letters was the message:
"Get well soon... from the nurse you gave the ticket to last week. I'll be round to remove the tape later."
Yesterday I got stuck behind a young girl riding a horse. No matter what I did, I just couldn't get past her. I was tooting my horn, and hanging out the window yelling at her. She still wouldn't let me past.
There was a guy on a motorcycle behind me and he was waving too.
I was getting so wound up and frustrated. "It's people like you that cause accidents!" I shouted.
Eventually, I just couldn't take any more so I looked around to make sure the coast was clear...
... and then I jumped off the carousel.
This little old lady decides one day that she wants to join a biker club, so she goes down to her local club and knocks on the door.
The door is opened by a big hairy biker with a beard, who's covered in tattoos.
"I'd liked to join your club," says the little old lady.
The biker is amused by this and decides to play along, telling her, "Ok, but you've got to meet the requirements first. Do you have a bike?"
The little old lady points to a Harley and says, "Yeah, that's my bike there."
The biker is surprised but says, "And do you smoke?"
The little old lady says, "Yeah, I smoke 20 cigarettes a day, and when I'm shooting pool I'll smoke a few cigars too."
The biker is impressed and says, "And have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?"
The little old lady says, "No, but I've been swung around by the nipples a few times."
It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.
What's the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner?
The position of the dirt bag.
This guy goes to see his doctor and tells him, "Every time I fart, it sounds like a Honda motorbike.
The doctor tells the guy to pull down his pants and bend over. As he does so, the guy farts and sure enough, it sounds just like a Honda motorbike.
The doctor immediately says to the guy, "I know the problem - you've got an abscess up your arse."
The guy says, "What?! Surely an abscess can't make my farts sound like that?"
The doctor says, "Didn't you know? Abscess makes the fart go Honda!"
What do you call a vicar on a motorcycle?
What's the most dangerous part of a motorcycle?
The nut that connects the seat to the handlebar.
The wind was so strong last night I really struggled to light my cigarette.
Eventually, after 20 minutes of trying, I gave in and stopped my motorbike on the hard shoulder.
How do you spot an Irish man in a car wash?
He's the one on a motorbike.
I was driving along the highway in my truck yesterday when a motorbike pulled up along side me. The guy on the bike looked at me, pulled a wheelie and then did a handstand on the bike. Then he tapped on my window and said, "You've haven't got a spare cigarette have you?"
I said, "A cigarette? You're going to kill yourself!"
He said, "No I won't, I only smoke 10 a day."
Other people don't like me queue jumping.
Especially when I use my motorcycle.
I kept telling my brother over and over again to be careful when out riding his motorbike but he wouldn't listen. And of course, one day he fell off.
I went to visit him in the hospital and he said to me;
Did... n... wu....
I... din... war... yu..."
I said to him, "You can't say I didn't warn you."
Funny Motorcycle Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of motorcycle jokes, check out the rest of our site for loads more funny jokes and laughs, such as these: