Funny Italian Jokes And Puns
Wherever you may Rome, you’ll never find better Italian jokes and puns than these!
They may be ever Sicily, but they’re still hilarious.
So enjoy these funny Italian jokes…
He pasta way.
A speech impediment.
On seeing it coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouted at his friend “Hey Paulo, it’s a mine, it’s a mine!!!”
Paulo replied ” Okay Luigi, you can-a have it!”
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
I said, “Don’t be Sicily.”
Through the skylight.
Because they’re good at espresso themselves.
By looking over your shoulder.
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
So that they can look like their mothers.
They don’t like any witnesses.
Their captors come into the cell where the spies are being held, grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.
They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.
The captors then throw the French spy back into the cell and grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.
They throw him back into the cell and grab the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.
4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.
The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.
The Italian spy says, ” I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands!”
They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” said the woman indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”
Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.
Fifty pounds and a black dress.
Maria goes to the bedroom with her new husband and as they’re preparing for bed, her husband unbuttons his shirt. When she sees his chest, Maria jumps up, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has hair all over his chest!”
Her Mama reassures her, “Men have hair on the chest. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”
So Maria goes back, but when her husband takes off his belt, she jumps up again, runs next door and cries, “Mama, Mama! He has a protrusion in his pants!”
Once again, Mama reassures her, “He finds you beautiful. This is sign of a good man. Go now and make him happy.”
So Maria goes back and finally, her husband takes off his shoes. Due to a childhood accident, he only has half of his left foot. Maria jumps up and runs back to her mother’s room, shouting, “Mama, Mama! He has a foot and a half!”
Her mother leaps up and announces, “Stand back, Maria -this is a job for Mama!”
One of them is excitedly chatting away about his work, family, and life in general.
The other friend though just listens intently without speaking. This goes on for a while until the talkative onesuddenly stops and says, “My friend! You haven’t said a word since we left the house! Is everything okay?”
The quiet one replies, “Oh, sorry, yes. I’ve just forgotten my gloves.”
When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp ‘To N.Y’. on them.