Funny Golf Jokes And Humor
As every golfer knows, golf is a game that can drive you mad (pun intended!), but it also has it's funny side too. In fact, there are many great golf jokes around. Indeed, you could say that funny golf jokes are par for the course!
Anyway, to celebrate the "good walk spoiled", as Mark Twain once put it, here's a collection of the best golf jokes we could find...
I asked her if it was driving a wedge between us.
"Tie me up," she purred softly, "And you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
"Guys, meet my new fiancée" he says, full of pride as he introduces her to his pals.
For the rest of the afternoon his friends can't take their eyes off the stunning beauty.
After the round of golf the rich man goes up to the bar to buy drinks for the group.
One of his friends goes with him and when at the bar asks him, "How on earth did you manage to hook up with such a beautiful young lady? You're seventy. She must be at least fourty years younger than you!"
The old rich guy says, "I lied about my age."
His friend says, "And she believed you? How old did you say you were?"
"I told her I was ninety."
Every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
The detective asks her, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"
"Yes" says the woman.
"And did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did," the woman says as she begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know; put me down for a five."
In case he gets a whole in one.
I've been standing too close to the ball... after I hit it.
They're on the 9th green when the wife suddenly collapses.
"Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
So the husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, then he picks up his putter and lines up his putt.
His wife uses all her strenght to raise her head off the green and stares at him as she gasps, "I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry, dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"Oh no time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
He stopped in mid-swing, closed his eyes and said a short prayer.
The other man was truly moved by this and said "Wow! That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."
"Well", the other man said, "I was married to her for 45 years."
After the ceremony, the guy says to his new bride, "I've a confession to make -I'm completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I hope you don't hate me for it."
The woman looks at her new husband and says, "I could never hate you, but I have a confession as well. I'm a hooker"
The man gets a pained look on his face, and after a long pause says, "Well... show me your stance."
The husband replies, "You're starting to sound like my ex-wife."
His wife says, "I thought you said you've never been married before?"
The husband says, "I haven't."
She's just started when she gets stung by a bee.
The pain is so bad she has to go back to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks her, "Why are you back so early? What's the matter?"
She replies, "I was stung by a bee."
The gold pro says, "Oh no! Where?"
The woman says, "Between the first and second hole."
The pro nods knowingly and says, "Apparently your stance is too wide."
If you enjoyed these funny golf jokes, then check out the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes too, including these: