Ole And Lena Jokes

Ole and Lena are the two main characters in jokes often told by Scandinavian Americans. Here’s a collection of our favorite funny Ole and Lena jokes!

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Funny Ole And Lena Jokes

Lena: “Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor.”

Ole: “Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous.”

Lena: “Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor.”

Ole: “You don’t even know vat a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Ver is da car?”

Lena: “In da lake.”

Ole came home from work early one day and Lena asks, “Ole, you’re home from work early. What happened?”

Ole replies, “Vell, I got my ting caught in da pickle slicer.”

“Oh no!”, says Lena, “Let me see your ting”.

So Ole shows her his ting and everyting is fine.

“Ole your ting is just fine, what happened to da pickle slicer?”

Ole says, “Oh, dey fired her too.”

Lena wants to spice things up with Ole after a row, so she goes out and buys some crotch-less panties.

After dinner Lena goes to the bedroom and slips them on and waits for Ole.

When Ole walks into the bedroom Lena says, “You want some of this big boy?”

Ole cries, “My God! No! Look what it’s done to your undies!”

Ole called the airline information desk and asked, “How long does it take ta fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?

“Just a minute,” said the busy clerk.

“Thank you,” said Ole, as he hung up.

Ole and Lena are out at the lake, getting ready to put the boat in the water, Lena driving and Ole standing in the pickup bed.

The brakes fail as Lena’s backing the boat into the lake, and the truck submerges.

Lena swims out the open window, but Ole doesn’t come up for the longest time.

Finally, up pops Ole. Lena asks him, “What took you so long?”

Ole replies, “Oh, you know, that tailgate is hard to open!”

What did Ole say the first time he saw a pizza?

Who threw up on da lefse?

Ole was in big trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife, Lena, was really angry.

She told him, “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 PRETTY DAMN FAST!”

The next morning Ole got up early and left for work. When Lena woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, Lena put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it excitedly and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ole has been missing since Friday

Ole and Lena got married.

After a beautiful ceremony and a fun but modest reception they got in Ole’s car and headed out on their honeymoon.

When they reached Saint Paul, Ole put his hand on Lena’s knee.

Lena said, “Ole, we’re married now. You can go farder den dat.”

So Ole drove to Duluth.

The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support.

He said to Ole, “I have decided to give your wife $800 a month for support.”

“Vell, dat’s fine, Judge,” said Ole. “And vunce in a vile I’ll try ta chip in a few bucks myself.”

Ole and Lena are good Lutherans and rather private about their intimate affairs, so they refer to love-making as “doing the laundry”.

One day they are eating lunch and Lena asks Ole if “he’d like to help her with the laundry” after they’ve finished.

Ole quickly finishes his buttered lefse and rushes upstairs to their bedroom. He waits for awhile, waits a bit longer, and finally gives up.

On his way down the stairs, Ole sees that Lena has put away the lunch dishes and is wiping the table.

She cries out, “Oh Ole!! I am just finishing up here, I was hoping we could do the laundry now!”

Ole says, “Oh, it was a small load, I did it by hand.”

Lars: “Ole, stand in fronna my car and tell me if da turn signals are vorking”.

Ole: “Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No, Ya, No…”

One fine day Ole decided to take Lena for a drive in his new car.

As they were driving through town, a policeman pulled them over and told Ole that he was doing 50 miles an hour in a 30 zone.

“Oh, no”, Ole protested. “I vas only doing tirty Officer.”

“No, you were doing fifty”, replied the cop.

“Really, Officer, I vas only doing tirty”, Ole replied stubbornly.

“Well”, bellowed the cop, “I clocked you doing FIFTY!”

At that point, Lena, sitting in the back seat and trying to be helpful, spoke up. “Officer… you really shouldn’t argue vit Ole ven he’s been drinking.”

Ole sadly died so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.

The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.

Lena replied, “You yust put ‘Ole died’.”

The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If its money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”

So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “Okay. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale’.”

More Funny Jokes

If you enjoyed these funny Ole and Lena jokes, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes such as these: