Funny Blonde Jokes
“Blondes have more fun”, “Gentlemen prefer blondes”… Stereotypes like these are no doubt responsible for the creation of funny blonde jokes by non-blondes in retaliation for their perceived advantages.
Whatever the reason, no offence is intended by the selection of the best dumb blonde jokes below (if you happen to be blonde, substitute the word brunette for blonde in the jokes, then they’re no longer funny blonde jokes – they’re funny brunette jokes!).
Dumb Blonde Jokes
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert one time.
They’d just about given up hope of making it out alive when they found a lamp and rubbed it.
Funnily enough, a genie popped out and said they could each have one wish which would come true.
The redhead wished to be back home and poof! She was back home.
The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family.
The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver, “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”
The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”
Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles and asks, “Will it take ME?”
A young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“That’s impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony then she pushes her knee and screams again, pushes her ankle and screams and so it goes on, everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”
She says, “No, I’m really a blonde.”
“I thought so,” he says. “Your finger is broken.”
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
The other replied, “I don’t know, I can’t see.”
This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker was working.
She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.”
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied again.
The blonde didn’t understand how the salesman had recognized her but she was still mad and wanted to get her bargain. This time, she went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before she went back and went to the same salesman.
“I’d like to buy this TV,” she said.
“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied yet again.
Frustrated, she shouted, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”
“Because that’s a microwave,” he replied.
A guy got home from work one evening and found his blonde girlfriend painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin:
“For best results, put on two coats”.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking … and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida …?”
A Blonde was down on her luck and desperately in debt so in her desperation to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground and grabbed a child who was on his own. She took him behind a tree and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the oak tree next to the slide on the south side of the playground. Signed, Blonde.”
The Blonde then taped the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the oak tree.
The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, “Where? Where?”
Two blondes get back to the parking lot only to find they’ve lost the car keys. The first blonde spends ages trying to unlock the car door with a coat hanger before saying, “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”
The second blonde replies, “Well you better hurry up. It’s starting to rain and the top is down!”
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father?”
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 o’clock news.A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
He did jump though, so the blonde offered the redhead $50. The redhead said, “I can’t take this, you’re my friend.”
But the blonde insisted saying, “No. A bet’s a bet.”
Then the redhead said, “Listen, I feel bad and have own up and tell you that I saw this on the 5 o’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”
The blonde replied, “Well, so did I, but I didn’t think he’d jump again!”
A blonde says to a brunette, “What does IDK stand for?”.
The brunette replied, “I don’t know.”
The blonde said “Oh my God, nobody does!”
A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, “How long is the flight from London to New York?”
“Um, just a minute…” he said.
Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard the blonde say, “Thank you,” as the phone went dead.
A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, “Don’t waste your time on that one. She’s a lesbian.”
The blonde goes over to her anyway and says, “So which part of Lesbia are you from?”
A cop saw a young blonde woman down on her knees under a streetlight. “Can I help you?” he asked.
The woman replied, “I dropped my diamond ring and I’m looking for it.”
The cop asked, “Did you drop it right here?”
“No,” responded the blonde, “I dropped it about a block away, but the light’s better here.”
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is angry, she opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.”
The blonde replies “Shut up, you’re next.”
A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: “Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?”
The big woman replies: “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6’2″, weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6’5″, weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kick-boxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”
The guy thinks about it a second and says: “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked her if she wanted her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
Q: Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
A: She can’t find the eleven.
Image courtesy of ionosphere at FreeDigitalPhotos.net