Funny biology jokes, puns and one linersYou don’t like plant jokes? What stomata with you! Don’t worry though, because these biology jokes and one liners don’t just include plant jokes. There’s much more than that.

So we hope you enjoy reading this collection of funny biology jokes and puns. If you do, be sure to take a look at our other science jokes too.

Funny Biology Jokes, Puns And One Liners

Why couldn’t the plants escape prison?

Because their cells were surrounded by walls.

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?

Pull down its genes.

What do DNA helicase and perverts have in common?

They both want to unzip your genes.

What do you call the leader of a biology gang?

The nucleus

What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids?

A cysteine chapel.

How do you make a hormone?

Don’t pay her.

We have to stop talking about mitosis…

It’s such a divisive issue.

Which biochemicals wash up on beaches?

Nucleotides.

How do you tell the gender of a person?

You pull their genes down.

How do you eat DNA-spaghetti?

With a replication fork.

“Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the liver and
spleen.”

Up in the gallery, one med student leaned toward the other, “Damn, if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an organ recital.”

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages?

He was a man of many cultures.

A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant.

The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?”

The red cell replied, “No thanks, I’ll just circulate.”

What do you call a faulty spirometer?

Expired.

What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?

Designer jeans.

What do you call an oral hygiene product for the brain?

Neural Crest.

Why are men sexier than women?

You can’t spell sexy without xy.

Is there a big difference between male and female anatomy?

Yes, a vas deferens.

Where do they send the criminal neurons?

To the chain ganglion.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use?

A tree-ring binder.

A guy accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose but he had no ill effect.

Apparently he was ambidextrose.

What’s a pirate’s favorite amino acid?

Arrrrrr-ginine.

What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe?

Mitosis.

What’s the study of real estate?

Homology.

How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?

An itsy bitsy book.

How do you recognize a native American cell biologist?

He lives in ATP.

I don’t know what carbon dating is, but I’ll try anything at this point…
How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature?

Romeostasis.

If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I’m the power house of the cell.
What did the femur say to the patella?

I kneed you.

How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes?

With a cell phone.

What did the male stamen say to the female pistil?

I like your “style”

My son came home from school and said, “My teacher gave me a B for my biology practical.”

I said, “That’s good.”

He said, “Not really. Everyone else got a frog to cut up.”

How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon?

He caught the garter snake.

One plant says to another, “Are you hungry?”

The other replies, “I could use a light snack.” 

How do you identify a bald eagle?

All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Two blood cells met and married, but alas it was all in vein.
Where do you bury dead people?

Asymmetry.

There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a specific focus on terns.

He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from, of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional space.

This proposal being given in a more liberal era, the student got the funding.

He filled out mountains of forms, set up a lab with a ready supply of terns, and proceeded on his way.

After a year of diligent work, groveling monthly before the review committee to get his stipend, and living with drugged terns, he completed his study.

With trembling hands, he delivered his 247-page report, complete with charts and graphs, to the review committee.

The august body perused his study, asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jell-o. Finally, the department head rose.

The light reflected off her steel rimmed glasses as she stared down at our student.

“There is a lot of good work here,” she said. “But we can’t accept this report. You have detailed marvelously the effects of THC on terns but you forgot one essential step: you have no control group.”

Our student turned pale and said, “You don’t mean…”

“Yes. I’m afraid so. You left no tern unstoned.”

What do biologists wear on their heads when playing football?

Helminth.

We just hired a molecular biologist.

Man, is he small.

What is the reproductive area in South America?

Spermatagonia.

What do you call a member of the financial staff of the faculty of Biology?

A buy-ologist.

Where do hippos go to university?

Hippocampus.

A couple of biologists had twins.

One they called John and the other control.

What type of flowers does everybody have?

Two-lips.

How do you know you’re dehydrated?

You can hear your red blood cells crenating.

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

What do you call the union of a sheep and a ram?

A zygoat.

Why are environmentalists bad at playing cards?

They like to avoid the flush.

What do you call cabs which provide drug therapy?

Chemotaxis.

Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets?

Polly, Ethel and Ian.

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
A bacteriologist is a man whose conversation always starts with the germ of an idea.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire.
Why do noses run but feet smell?
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.

Biology Jokes And Puns

If you enjoyed these funny biology jokes and puns, check out our school jokes, chemistry jokes and teacher jokes too, as well as the rest of our really funny jokes.

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