Atom Jokes And Puns

We’ve been charged with the task of bringing you the funniest atom jokes and puns! We couldn’t say Na to a challenge like that, could we? So here they are – keep an ion them!

Header image for a page of funny atom jokes and puns.

Funny Atom Jokes

Why can’t you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

What kind of fish is made up of only two sodium atoms?


Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.


How do we know that atoms are Catholic?

Because they have mass.

Why isn’t energy made of atoms?

It doesn’t matter.

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar.


What’s an atom with a bad sense of humor?

Not a laughing matter.

Two atoms walk into a bar.

One says to the other, “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.”

The other replies, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m positive.”

What do you call a ring of iron atoms?

A ferrous wheel.

TIL there are exactly Avacado’s Number of atoms in a guacamole.

What do we call a group of 12 atoms?

Dozen matter.

What did the scientist say when he found two atoms of helium?


What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?

OK boomer.

A helium atom walks into a bar

The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here.”

The helium atom does not react.

A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims, “Sir this mountain has exactly 6.022×10^23 atoms in it!”

The professor sighs and says, “No need to make mountains out of mol hills.”

You know who repairs atoms?

Quantum mechanics.

My friends tried to convince me I was a chemical element with the atomic number 82.

Thankfully, I’m not so easily lead.

My friends tried to convince me I was a chemical element with the atomic number 102.

But I told them No.

what do you get if you eat a bomb?

Atomic ache.

So there’s this atom that keeps stealing electrons…

You better keep an ion him.

What did the atom say when it kept losing electrons?

I really need to keep an ion them.

What’s another name for the Periodic Table of elements?

The atoms family.

I told a dark joke to an atom today, but it didn’t really find it funny.

Turns out it was no laughing matter.

A human losing weight is like an atom losing electrons

Everything is positive after that.

Did you hear about the atom that got charged?

It’s a pretty ionic story.

Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82.

I’m easily lead.

Hey girl, is your atomic number 11?

Because you’re sodium fine.

A chemist walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “Tonight all drinks are on me!”

The bartender says to him, “You must’ve had a good day today, what happened?”

“I finally found a way to make a stable molecule from a barium atom, two sodium atoms, and a sulfur atom!” the chemist proudly replies.

“Wow,” says the bartender, “That’s BaNaNaS!”

A professor makes a bet with a student.

Every question the professor asks that the student can’t answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can’t answer he owes the student $100.

Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?

The student having no idea hands the professor $1.

Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?

The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.

Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?

The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.

Two college students have their most important final exam next week but they’ve chosen to spend the week partying instead.

So, in their drunken stupour, after realising how badly they messed up, they beg their professor to give them an extra day for the exam.

Even though he was sceptical, they told him that they had a flat tire on the way to university and couldn’t reach class in time, so he agreed.

The two students, dedicated to getting a good score on their exam after a week of partying, spend the entire day cramming down every last possible detail of their class.

When they come in the next day, the professor tells them that they’ll need to take the exam in separate classrooms.

Perplexed by this, the students nevertheless agree and sit down, each in their own classroom.

“For 5 points, describe the structure of the atom and all its properties” was the first question.

The students, after seeing this, regain their confidence and think that this exam will be a piece of cake.

After they write out all they know about the atom, they turn the page.

“For 95 points, tell me which tire it was.”

39 digits of pi accurately calculates the circumference of the universe to the width of a hydrogen atom.

Scientists still can’t determine how much is needed for your mother though.

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice.

He is especially bummed because the question he missed was, “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have?”

In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.

Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand.

Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears.

The genie thunders, “I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire?”

The student immediately replies, “I wish I had gotten that question right,” and the universe explodes.

More Funny Jokes

If you’re feeling positive after reading our jokes about atoms, check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these:

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