A selection of funny cat quotes and sayings.Funny Cat Quotes

These funny cat quotes are purr-fect for raising a laugh and leaving you feline good.

If you like cats, you'll love them!

So enjoy...

In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. ~ Terry Pratchett

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later. ~ Mary Bly

As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. ~ Ellen Perry Berkeley

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. ~ Jeff Valdez

Cat, n. a soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. ~ Ambrose Bierce

The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron. ~ George Will

After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference. ~ Charlotte Gray

One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it's affection, the taste or a trial run for the jugular. ~ Helen Thomson

I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It's not. Mine had me trained in two days. ~ Bill Dana

Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives. ~ Stephen Baker

Those who'll play with cats must expect to be scratched. ~ Miguel de Cervantes

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods. ~ Christopher Hitchens

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind. ~ Cleveland Amory

Cats do care. For example they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. ~ Michael Nelson

Cats know how to obtain food without labor, shelter without confinement, and love without penalties. ~ Walter Lionel George

Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily go in one ear and out the other. ~ Stephen Baker

A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. ~ Ernest Hemingway

Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience. ~ Pam Brown

Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man. ~ Paul Gray

When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even. ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

The problem with cats is that they get the same exact look whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer. ~ Paula Poundstone

People with insufficient personalities are fond of cats. These people adore being ignored. ~ Henry Morgan

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish. ~ James P. Gorman

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ~ Robert A. Heinlein

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. ~ Mark Twain

It is impossible to keep a straight face in the presence of one or more kittens. ~ Cynthia E. Varnado

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many different ailments, but I have never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. ~ Joseph Wood Krutch

If a dog jumps into your lap it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing it is because your lap is warmer. ~ A. N. Whitehead

Cats are notoriously sore losers. Coming in second best, especially to someone as poorly coordinated as a human being, grates their sensibility. ~ Stephen Baker

There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person. ~ Dan Greenberg

A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor. ~ Arthur Bridges

Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner. ~ Gary Smith

A cat's got her own opinion of human beings. She don't say much, but you can tell enough to make you anxious not to hear the whole of it. ~ Jerome K. Jerome

Cats can be cooperative when something feels good, which, to a cat, is the way everything is supposed to feel as much of the time as possible. ~ Roger Caras

The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away. ~ E. W. Howe

Cats have it all - admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it. ~ Rod McKuen

No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch. ~ Leo Dworken

The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal - or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be. ~ Elizabeth Peters

The trouble with sharing one's bed with cats is that they'd rather sleep on you than beside you. ~ Pam Brown

Dogs have owners, cats have staff. ~ Unknown

You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals. ~ George Mikes

Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. ~ Jim Davis

I have noticed that what cats most appreciate in a human being is not the ability to produce food which they take for granted - but his or her entertainment value. ~ Geoffrey Household

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want. ~ Joseph Wood Krutch

A cat can be trusted to purr when she is pleased, which is more than can be said for human beings. ~ William Ralph Inge

Funny Cat Quotes

If you enjoyed these funny cat quotes, be sure to have a look at all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these:

Subscribe Now & Get A Free Joke Book!
Get More Really Funny Jokes & Laughs!

Subscribe to LaffGaff free now and get even more really funny jokes, witty quotes and laughs in our email newsletter! Plus get our free eBook packed with all the best Yo Mama jokes!