Ned Flanders Quotes

Ned Flanders is the super religious neighbor of Homer and his family in the Simpsons TV show. Here’s all our favorite funny Ned Flanders quotes. Enjoy!

Funny Ned Flanders quotes from The Simpsons

27 Funny Ned Flanders Quotes

Here is a fantastic collection of the best Ned Flanders quotes:

I’ve done everything the Bible says – even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

Call me Delta Airlines, because I can’t handle all your extra baggage.

Thank you for taking me to that Pinkberry place. It’s a lot less racy than its name would lead you to believe.

Hi diddly ho neighborinos!

Sometimes God bless her, she underlines passages in my bible because she can’t find hers!

I’m not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month?

Sorry is not just the most exciting board game ever devised, it’s a word I need to hear from you!

He’s a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Homer, God didn’t set your house on fire.

Well I can’t say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst.

Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!

Can I make my famous mimosa? A little sparkling water in a glass full of regular water?

I got two teens in a public park going at it like a couple of gibbons in the back seat of Noah’s ark!

Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

If you think I’m cuddly and you want my company, come on Wifey let me know!

You’re never bored painting the Lord!

Watch Fox and be damned for all eternity.

Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let’s not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.

There are some things we don’t want to know. Important things.

Dear neighbor, you are my brother. I love you, and yet I feel a great sadness in my bosom.

Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

Now what can I ding dong diddly do for you?

Did a volcano erupt in Candyland? ‘Cause I just caught me a flyin’ red hot!

Just as I feared, her Buddhism has led directly to witchcraft.

Bart Simpson? Why, he lives right next door to me. Yeah, when they made him, they did not skimp on the puppy dog tails.

Edna: Those two boys of yours weren’t delivered by the stork. Flanders: Yes they were. We deliberately chose a Doctor Stork so we could say it without lying.

Dear Lord, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks and “Sweatin’ to the Oldies,” volumes one, two and four.

I’d love to chitty-chat, but tonight’s the night I do my charity work.

Like any man, I put on my secret Christian underpants one leg at a time.

You’ll find I’m well worth the wait. Like a mild cheddar, I get tangy when I’m sitting on a shelf.

When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ.

What a rush! That got my blood pumping in a way I thought only quiet reflection could! Fizzy water for everyone!

I remember what it was like to have a sweet woman of my own, lying in a twin bed across the hall from mine.

That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I’m going to call you kettle corn.

Now let us download the holy tweet of the Lord.

I sure don’t like to babble on, but I sure do like Babylon!

He’s the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.

More Funny Quotes

If you enjoyed these Ned Flanders quotes, be sure to take a look at all our other funny quotes too, including these: