Funny Christian Quotes And Sayings

Christianity is a serious business but everything has it’s funny side. After all laughter is the best medicine – which is why we practice it religiously here at LaffGaff, especially when it comes to funny quotes.

And that’s the reason that we thought we’d gather together the best funny Christian quotes for you. And so without further ado, here they are.


A collection of really funny Christian quotes

The number of followers you have doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12. ~ Anonymous

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. ~ Billy Sunday

A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip. ~ Billy Graham

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people. ~ G. K. Chesterton

If you use the church’s WiFi, are you receiving God’s signal? ~ Anonymous

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. ~ Mark Twain

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. ~ Robert Orben

I’d rather live my whole life assuming there is a God, only to find out that there isn’t, than to live my whole life assuming there isn’t a God, only to find out there is. ~ Peter Barry

You talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you, you’re psychotic. ~ Doris Egan

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. ~ Mahatma Ghandi

The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. ~ Mark Twain

The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. ~ Dante Rossetti

On the other hand, the Bible contains much that is relevant today, like Noah taking 40 days to find a place to park. ~ Curtis McDougall

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. ~ Napoleon

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me… they’re cramming for their final exam. ~ George Carlin

If there were no God, there would be no atheists. ~ G. K. Chesterton

The church is prayer-conditioned. ~ Anonymous

A Christian is a man who feels repentance on Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday. ~ Thomas Ybarra

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. ~ Aldous Huxley

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. ~ Fred Allen

Some things have to be believed to be seen. ~ Ralph Hodgson

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress. ~ Ronald Reagan

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, ‘Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don’t believe? ~ Quentin Crisp

People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them.  ~ Dave Barry

Young man, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

Christianity is the strangest religion ever set up, for it committed a murder upon Jesus in order to redeem mankind from the sin of eating an apple. ~ Thomas Paine

It is time the Arabs and the Jews sat down and settled this dispute in the true Christian spirit. ~ Senator Warren Austin

Funny Christian Quotes

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