Funny Quotes About Sleep

You can never get tired of sleeping (although you can have too much sleep!), and you’ll never get tired of these funny quotes about sleep either. In fact, it’s a nap that you’ll love them! So enjoy!

A collection of funny quotes about sleep

Funny Quotes About Sleep

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.

Leo J. Burke

My mother told me to follow my dreams, so I took a nap.


Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

Anthony Burgess

They call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.

George Carlin

Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep.

Charles M. Schulz

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

Albert Camus

“I’m going to bed” really means “I’m going to lie in my bed and go on my phone”.


Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.

John Ciardi

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Henry Youngman

Those who snore always fall asleep first.


I’m trying to read a book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

Jim Loy

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today.

George Foreman

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

Ray Romano

We used to sleep five to a bed and three of them used to wet the bed. I learnt to swim before I could walk.

Bernard Manning

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?

Ernest Hemingway

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

George Carlin

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Dave Barry

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

Wilson Mizener

No civilized person goes to bed the same day he gets up.

Richard Harding Davis

The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won’t get much sleep.

Woody Allen

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.

Mindy Kaling

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.

James Thurber

A day without a nap is like a cupcake without frosting.

Terri Guillemets

Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.

William Charles Dement

When people tell me “You’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep in until noon because I’m a problem solver.


Late last night I slew my wife, Stretched her on the parquet flooring; I was loathe to take her life, But I had to stop her snoring!

Harry Graham

Many things – such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly – are done worst when we try hardest to do them.

C. S. Lewis

A professor is someone who talks in someone else’s sleep.

W. H. Auden

Sleep is like a cat: It only comes to you if you ignore it.

Gillian Flynn

Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.

Tina Fey

Who said nights were for sleep?

Marilyn Monroe

If you are a student you should always get a good night’s sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means ‘flunk’.

Lemony Snicket

I’ve always envied people who sleep easily. Their brains must be cleaner, the floorboards of the skull well swept, all the little monsters closed up in a steamer trunk at the foot of the bed.

David Benioff

I love to sleep. Do you? Isn’t it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.

Rita Rudner

Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian.

Herman Melville

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

Funny Sleep Quotes

If you enjoyed these funny quotes about sleep, be sure to have a look at all our other funny quotes and sayings too, including these: