ABBA once sang, “Money, money, money, it must be funny in a rich man’s world.” Well, these funny money quotes are hilarious in anyone’s world!
What’s more, they won’t cost you a penny! Enjoy!
80 Funny Money Quotes
Money can’t buy friends but you can get a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
Money is the best deodorant.
Elizabeth Taylor
I don’t want money. It is only people who pay their bills who want that, and I never pay mine.
Oscar Wilde
A fool and his money are soon married.
Carolyn Wells
Some couples go over their budgets very carefully every month, others just go over them.
Sally Poplin
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Bob Hope
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
Jackie Mason
Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five.
W. Somerset Maugham
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
I have always paid income tax. I object only when it reaches a stage when I am threatened with having nothing left for my old age – which is due to start next Tuesday or Wednesday.
Noel Coward
Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
Winston Churchill
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
Dorothy Parker
It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!
Milton Berle
I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.
Ron Kittle
God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.
Austin O’Malley
If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.
Katherine Hepburn
Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.
Helen Gurley Brown
There is only one amount of money – just not enough.
Andy Kaufman
The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.
Unknown
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
George Carlin
Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.
Herman Wouk
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason
The great rule is not to talk about money with people who have more more or much less than you.
Katharine Whitehorn
Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Lionel Stander
I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.
Rodney Dangerfield
A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair, and takes it away from you when it rains.
Unknown
All right, so I like spending money! But name one other extravagance.
Max Kauffmann
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.
Bill Vaughn
It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it’s a depression when you lose your own.
Harry S. Truman
Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.
A.A. Latimer
Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.
Rebecca Johnson
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.
Rita Rudner
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
Spike Milligan
Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.
H. L. Mencken
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
P. J. O’Rourke
There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory.
Robert Benchley
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
All decent people live beyond their incomes nowadays, and those who aren’t respectable live beyond other people’s. A few gifted individuals manage to do both.
H. H. Munro
Money isn’t everything. Usually it isn’t even enough.
Unknown
It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.
Billy Crystal
Solvency is entirely a matter of temperament and not of income.
Logan Pearsall Smith
Money without brains is always dangerous.
Napoleon Hill
Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind.
Kay Ingram
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.
Rita Rudner
When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
Oscar Wilde
I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.
Malcolm Forbes
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.
Will Rogers
The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
Kin Hubbard
Nobody who has wealth to distribute ever omits himself.
Leon Trotsky
People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.
Doug Larson
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
Josh Billings
My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
Errol Flynn
There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.
Mark Twain
We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.
Keith Davis
Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.
Edmund Stockdale
When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.
Nick Arnette
It’s tax time. I know this because I’m staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink.
Dave Barry
I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money.
David Lee Roth
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
Peg Bracken
In God we trust. All others pay cash.
Unknown
Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
Herbert Hoover
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.
George Bernard Shaw
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Will Rogers
The way to stop financial joy-riding is to arrest the chauffeur, not the automobile.
Woodrow Wilson
Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail.
Richard Friedman
It’s easy to meet expenses – everywhere we go, there they are.
Unknown
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Sam Ewing
I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried – but they wanted cash.
Unknown
There are three books my daughter felt were the most important influences in her life: the Bible, her mother’s cookbook, and her father’s checkbook.
Joyce Mattingly
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Earl Wilson
Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.
Robin Williams
Wealth is not without its advantages, and the case to the contrary, although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive.
J. K. Galbraith
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
James Holt McGavran
Money won’t make you happy – but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
Zig Ziglar
A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.
Mark Twain
A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.
Mae West
If the Lord loveth a cheerful giver, how he must hate the taxpayer!
John Andrew Holmes
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Brendan Behan
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it and thought of other things if you did.
James Arthur Baldwin
Funny Quotes About Money
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