Short Funny Quotes

Here at LaffGaff, we love short funny quotes because they so succintly describe the ridiculousness of life and everything that goes to make it what it is.

It’s amazing how much can humor can be found in so few words, and so we’ve gathered together our favorite examples of such short funny quotes for you.

Enjoy!

A selection of funny short quotes

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now. ~ Unknown

You never know what you have until you clean your room. ~ Unknown

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it’s not open. ~ Frank Zappa

Why is it that at night I can’t sleep, but in the morning I can’t wake up? ~ Unknown

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times just to be sure. ~ Unknown

If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving. ~ Henry Youngman

Some people are like clouds. When they go away, the day gets brighter. ~ Unknown

Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~ Unknown

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. ~ Franklin Jones

The future is shaped by your dreams. So stop wasting time, and go back to sleep. ~ Unknown

Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? ~ Bill Murray

If people are talking behind your back be happy that you’re the one who’s in front. ~ Unknown

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. ~ Albert King

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? ~ Unknown

All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips. ~ Unknown

Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead. ~ Bill McGlashen

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families. ~ Unknown

When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns

I’m not lazy, I’ve just got energy saving mode turned on. ~ Unknown

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes? ~ Unknown

You can only be young once, but you can always be immature. ~ Dave Barry

Everything is funnier when you’re not allowed to laugh. ~ Unknown

Common sense is like deodorant. Those who need it most never use it. ~ Unknown

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. ~ Marilyn Monroe

My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry. ~ Unknown

Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed. ~ Unknown

I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food. ~ Will Ferrell

Don’t worry if Plan A fails. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet. ~ Unknown

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. ~ Charles M. Schulz

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel. ~ Unknown

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove you don’t need it. ~ Bob Hope

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. ~ Unknown

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. ~ Charles M. Schulz


Short Funny Quotes

If you liked these short funny quotes, you may enjoy our witty quotes and our funny sayings too as well as the rest of our funny quotes such as these:

A collection of funny good morning quotes
A collection of funny quotes about life
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A collection of the most hilariously witty quotes