Graduation is a time to celebrate the results of all the hard work that’s been put in. It’s also a time when you have to face up to going out into the real world too (which can be scary), as well as saying goodbye to a great chapter in your life. These funny graduation quotes encapsulate just what it’s all about.
So if you or someone close to you is due to graduate soon, then we hope enjoy them and find them amusing. We sure do!
31 Funny Graduation Quotes
Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
Garry Trudeau
In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.
Tom Bodett
It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.
Isabel Waxman
So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.
Bill Patterson
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
Oscar Wilde
The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.
Russell Baker
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed.
Erma Bombeck
Fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class – Hope your surgery went well!
Simone Elkeles
You are graduating from college. That means that this is the first day of the last day of your life. No, that’s wrong. This is the last day of the first day of school. Nope, that’s worse. This is a day.
Andy Samberg
At graduation you get to wear a cap and gown, but it’s a good idea to also wear something underneath it.
Greg Tamblyn
Every year, many, many stupid people graduate from college. And if they can do it, so can you.
John Green
Now that you’ve graduated, just remember: Bosses don’t usually accept notes from your mother.
Melanie White
Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates.
Dr. A. Lawrence Lowell
The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after.
Newton D. Baker
Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!
Louisa May Alcott
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Erma Bombeck
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.
Robert Orben
There is a good reason they call these ceremonies “commencement exercises”. Graduation is not the end; it’s the beginning.
Orrin Hatch
Graduation: a ritual event where they award you a diploma, in the hope that you have learned enough to be able to read it.
Unknown
If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
Robert Goheen
Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.
Bauvard
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness.
Robert M. Hutchins
Parents: You will spend more money framing your child’s diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It’s tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera and Mexican drug cartels.
Conan O’Brien
Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology.
Clive James
The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
Doug Larson
I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. “Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake” he said. “They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much.”
Anthony Lake
I graduated from the University of Whatever.
Dana Snyder
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
John Stewart
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Gary Bolding
To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.
George W. Bush
And now, with this diploma in hand, most of you will go on to the noblest of pursuits, like helping a cable company acquire a telecom company. You will defend BP from birds. You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated well before the fracking occurred. One of you will sort out the details of my prenup, a dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce.
Mindy Kaling
Funny Quotes About Graduation
If you enjoyed reading these amusing quotes about graduation, why not check out all LaffGaff‘s other collections of hilarious quotes and sayings and other pages of laughs too, including our graduation jokes, as well as these:
