There’s no ham-fisted attempts at pig jokes here. We are hogging all the best ones though, so we’re sure you won’t be boar-ed!
Anyway, it’s time we were crackling on with the jokes, so we hope you enjoy this collection of funny pig jokes and puns. If so, check out our other collections of animal jokes too.
Pig Jokes And Puns
It was all pretty standard until I got to the end.
Then there was a twist in the tale.
He was disgruntled.
I was surprised – it was actually quite sty-lish.
The bartender told him where it was and off walked the pig.
Then another little pig walked in and he also asked the bartender for a beer. After drinking it, he too asked where the toilet was. Once again the bartender gave him directions and off walked the pig.
Then yet another little pig walked into the bar and asked for a beer, which he drank. Then the bartender asked him, “Don’t you want to know where the toilet is?”
The pig replied, “No, I’m the little pig that went wee wee wee all the way home”.
He was too ham-fisted.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden one of them sees something ahead in the distance.
He shouts, “A bacon tree, a bacon tree!” and rushes off towards it as fast as his weakened body will allow.
The second explorer follows him.
With renewed strength, they struggle on through the dunes until at last they get near to the tree.
They can see it’s full of every kind of pig meat you can imagine – fried bacon, back bacon, smoked bacon and more.
The first explorer shouts, “We’re saved, we’re saved!”
The second explorer says, “Wait – are you sure it’s not just a mirage? We are in the desert after all.”
The first explorer says, “Just smell that bacon – have you ever heard of a mirage that smelled of bacon?”
And so he runs to the tree with the second explorer following a few paces behind.
Just as he gets near it, there’s a burst of machine gun fire and the first explorer falls to the ground, mortally wounded.
With his last breath, he warns the second explorer, “Get back! You were right. It’s not a bacon tree. It’s a ham-bush!”
It might squeal.
The surgeon tells him there are no human transplant ears available but they have one dog’s ear and one pig’s ear they can transplant if he wants.
The guy isn’t very happy about this but soon realizes it’s better than being deaf, so he agrees to go ahead with the operation.
A month later, he goes back to the hospital for a check up and the surgeon asks him how he is getting on with his new ears.
The guy says, “Well, the dog ear is fantastic – I can hear for miles and no-one ever talks behind my back any more.”
The surgeon asks, “Great! And what about the pig’s ear?”
The guy says, “Well to be honest, it’s not so good. I seem to be getting a lot of crackling in it.”
Ham and eczema.
They hog all the covers.
They use invisible oink.
A road hog.
A pork chop.
Because they hog the ball.
Let’s be pen pals.
The porking lot.
The woman replies, “This isn’t a pig, it’s a duck.”
The bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.”
I must have had it for a weeeeeeeeeeeeek now!
Pig Jokes & Puns
If you enjoyed our collection of funny pig jokes and puns, why not check out the rest of our site for lots more laughs and jokes, including our cow puns, our dog jokes, our shark jokes and our owl jokes.