Funny Father's Day Jokes
Fathers are superheroes who don't usually get the recognition and appreciation they deserve, maybe because of their terrible Dad jokes! All that changes on Father's Day of course when they get completely spoiled. In theory that is! In practice, they're often the butt of funny Father's Day jokes from their cheeky kids instead.
And so to help celebrate their special day, here's our collection of funny Father's Day jokes...
"That's okay, son," I said, "I forget things all the time too."
"Like what?" he asked.
"Like the time I forgot to wear a condom and ended up with an ungrateful little so-and-so in my life," I said.
Father's Day in Harlem.
I'm always afraid I'll be given a gift I can't afford.
Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most.
1. The dog ran away.
2. I didn't.
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "They're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day is Father's Day and the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, he walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "Me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "Flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"
I said, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren...
and a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.
It'll be interesting to see which of us he thanks.
The number of people having to send posthumous Father's Day messages on Facebook or the number of people who believe in an afterlife.
Especially an afterlife that's got internet access.
- Would you turn that music up, please?
- Hey, that tattoo looks great. We should both go get new ones.
- Yeah sure, go ahead and take my car. And here's 50 bucks for gas too.
- Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. Why don't you invite all your friends round for a party?
- Here, you have the remote.
Just because I got more Father's Day cards than we have kids.
We've all forgotten the true meaning of walking from room to room tutting and turning off lights.
The only place where they sell Father's Day cards in packs of 5.
It's your mum's for believing she would be more than a drunken one night stand.
Because it was rubbish.
He sent me a Father's Day card and all it said was, "You should have pulled out."
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
It's twice as expensive when you've been adopted by a gay couple.
Didn't see my Dad at all...
The man orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Whoosh! A torso pops out!
The bar is deadly quiet at first and then bursts into pandemonium with whoops of joy. The father is shocked and begs his son to drink again. The patrons begin to chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Whoosh! Two arms suddenly pop out. The bar goes even wilder. The father is now crying and begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and swigs what's left of it. Whoosh! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in complete chaos, going utterly wild. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... then he stumbles right out through the front door into the street, where a truck runs over him and he's killed instantly.
The bar falls silent in shock. The father moans quietly in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
In the 19th century, if a father could provide a roof over the head of his family members, then he was successful.
But, a modern father is not successful even if he provides a roof, deck, pool, 4-car garage and a yearly vacation.
Funny Father's Day Jokes
If you enjoyed our collection of funny Father's Day jokes, why not check out the rest of our site for lots more funny jokes and laughs, including these: