Funny Father's Day Jokes
Fathers are superheroes who don't usually get the recognition and appreciation they deserve, maybe because of their terrible Dad jokes! All that changes on Father's Day of course when they get completely spoiled. In theory that is! In practice, they're often the butt of funny Father's Day jokes from their cheeky kids instead.
And so to help celebrate their special day, here's our collection of funny Father's Day jokes...
I'd give my dad what he really wants this Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet.
My son said to me, "Dad, I'm sorry I forgot to get you something for Father's Day."
"That's okay, son," I said, "I forget things all the time too."
"Like what?" he asked.
"Like the time I forgot to wear a condom and ended up with an ungrateful little so-and-so in my life," I said.
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
What's the definition of mass confusion?
Father's Day in Harlem.
I always get worried about Father's Day.
I'm always afraid I'll be given a gift I can't afford.
What do toys and boobs have in common?
Both are made for children but it's the fathers who play with them most.
My Dad told me he only had two regrets in life:
1. The dog ran away.
2. I didn't.
A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"
The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "They're just making a puppy."
"OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.
The next day is Father's Day and the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, he walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "Me and mommy were making a baby."
His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "Flip mommy over, I want a puppy!"
It's that time of year again when the $100 a week I invest in child support finally pays off by providing me with a pair of socks.
My son asked me on Father's Day, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
I said, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
One Father's Day, a father tells his ten year old son, "Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life".
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186 leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great grandchildren...
And a 7 foot crater where the crematory used to be.
I just signed my Dad's Father's Day card, "With love from your favorite son."
It'll be interesting to see which of us he thanks.
I don't know what's sadder.
The number of people having to send posthumous Father's Day messages on Facebook or the number of people who believe in an afterlife.
Especially an afterlife that's got internet access.
Things you'll never hear your Dad say:
- Would you turn that music up, please?
- Hey, that tattoo looks great. We should both go get new ones.
- Yeah sure, go ahead and take my car. And here's 50 bucks for gas too.
- Your mother and I are going away for the weekend. Why don't you invite all your friends round for a party?
- Here, you have the remote.
My wife is in a really bad mood today.
Just because I got more Father's Day cards than we have kids.
Father's Day has become way too commercial.
We've all forgotten the true meaning of walking from room to room tutting and turning off lights.
The only place where they sell Father's Day cards in packs of 5.
To all those children without dads on Father's Day tomorrow, remember it's not your fault...
It's your mum's for believing she would be more than a drunken one night stand.
My wife normally helps my little boy make my Father's Day card but this year I could tell he'd made it all by himself.
Because it was rubbish.
I think my son is depressed.
He sent me a Father's Day card and all it said was, "You should have pulled out."
How do fathers exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
I hate Father's Day.
It's twice as expensive when you've been adopted by a gay couple.
Just had the best Father's Day ever. Spent all day in bed.
Didn't see my Dad at all...
A man is waiting outside the delivery room for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes out and tells the new dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But still the dad loves his son and raises him to the best of his ability, with love and compassion. 21 years later, on Father's Day, the man decides the the son is old enough for his first drink and so he takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.
The man orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Whoosh! A torso pops out!
The bar is deadly quiet at first and then bursts into pandemonium with whoops of joy. The father is shocked and begs his son to drink again. The patrons begin to chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Whoosh! Two arms suddenly pop out. The bar goes even wilder. The father is now crying and begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and swigs what's left of it. Whoosh! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in complete chaos, going utterly wild. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... then he stumbles right out through the front door into the street, where a truck runs over him and he's killed instantly.
The bar falls silent in shock. The father moans quietly in grief.
The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."
Dad, your Father's Day gift is another year of not having to pay for my wedding.
What's the difference between a modern father and a father of the 19th century?
In the 19th century, if a father could provide a roof over the head of his family members, then he was successful.
But, a modern father is not successful even if he provides a roof, deck, pool, 4-car garage and a yearly vacation.