Funny Mother’s Day Poems And Quotes

Mother’s Day is a special day to give your Mom the respect and appreciation that she really deserves all year round.

That doesn’t mean it can’t be done with humor though! So to help you mark Mom’s special day, here’s a selection of the best funny Mother’s Day poems and quotes for you.

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Funny Mother’s Day Poems & Quotes

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children!

Sam Levenson

Happy Mother’s Day to someone who carried me physically for 9 months and financially for 29 years.

Happy Mother’s Day, thanks for not putting me up for adoption!

Mum, I know I owe you the world

And you deserve no less

But circumstances have unfurled;

I’m in a financial mess.

For Your Mother’s Day party

I write for you this ditty.

My poetry skills are hearty

And cheap, but oh so witty!

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Calvin Trillin

A mother’s sacrifice isn’t giving birth. It’s nine months without wine!

Happy Mother’s Day. I love how we don’t even need to say out loud that I’m your favorite child!

A Mom forgives us all our faults, not to mention one or two we don’t even have.

Robert Brault

All Mom’s gave birth to a child, except my Mom… She gave birth to a legend.

Happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for bringing me into a world where love can be expressed electronically…

Happy Mother’s Day to someone who spoils me and then complains about how spoiled I am.

Any mother could perform the jobs of several air-traffic controllers with ease.

Lisa Alther

Happy Mother’s Day. I can’t even begin to think how proud you are of me for remembering to send you a Mother’s Day card!

Mom, I know you do the dishes

And I know you cook the food.

I know you scrub down all the floors

Even when you’re in a bad mood.

And every night you walk the dog

While I’m watching all my shows.

On Thursday’s you take out the trash

And every spring you wash the windows.

Mom, I know you’re sad I’ll go someday

And leave you all alone,

But right now I’m only 35

So what other place could I call home?

Happy Mother’s Day, thanks for always thinking about me to the detriment of your mental health!

If evolution really works, how come Mothers only have two hands?

Milton Berle

Happy Mother’s Day. I just wanted to let you know you’re one of my favorite parents.

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents.

John J. Plomp

The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife.

Thank you, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day!

If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says ‘keep away from children’

Susan Savannah

Happy Mother’s Day. You sure do make good-looking children!

Happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for providing me with a love that’s as never-ending as your voice mails!

Happy Mother’s Day, sorry about the stretch marks!

Happy Mother’s Day to someone who will make it perfectly clear this card is an entirely inadequate substitute for a Mother’s Day visit!

I’m glad that you’re my mother,

Kind and caring and strong.

Because surely no-one else,

Could have put up with me this long!

Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.

Susan Gale

Thanks for being a great Mom through my 30-year awkward phase…

Happy Mother’s Day to the woman who helped me become the person I am today. You did an awesome job!

Happy Mother’s Day. I would have made you breakfast in bed… if you’d taught me how to cook.

For all the diapers that you changed,

For all the play dates you arranged.

For all the trips back and forth to school,

For cleaning all the spit up and the drool.

Why is there only one Mother’s Day?

You could have at least gotten the entire month of May!

Dear Mom, thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad.

Mum you know the worst of me, my weaknesses and follies,

I know you’ve seen me poop my pants and cut the heads off dollies,

You know all my most embarrassing moments, you know that I’m a nut,

So what can I do to repay your love… and make sure you keep your mouth shut!?

Unlike King Lear I am well aware

That extravagant expressions of affection

Do not necessarily mean that our children adore us,

Or that their failure to write or phone or do lots of lovely things for us

Means that they don’t.

I am, in addition, well aware

That most of the wise, mature, sensible women I know

Have nothing but disdain for Mother’s Day,

Which they rightfully declare to be a crass, commercial way

Of getting guilty children to spend money.

Furthermore, I am hoping that I

Will turn into one of those wise, mature, sensible women

Long before this current decade is through.

But meanwhile, if you know what’s good for you,

Send flowers.

Judith Viorst

Mother’s Day Quotes & Poems

If you enjoyed our selection of funny Mother’s Day poems and quotes, check out our other holiday jokes and funny quotes, including these pages:

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