We challenge you to name a better collection of funny name jokes and puns than these!
Funny Name Jokes
Today, my son asked, “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I never understood why they named the show “SpongeBob”. Patrick was literally the star of the show.
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water. I was like well damn.
If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything … Stamps: Lickie Stickie. Defibrillators: Hearty Starty. Bees: Fuzzy Buzzy. Pregnancy Test: Maybe Baby. Bra: Breastie Nestie. Fork: Stabby Grabby. Socks: Feetie Heatie. Nightmare: Screamy Dreamy. Wallet: Cashy Stashy. Cat: Furry Purry.
I was named after my dad. Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name. So I called her Bluff.
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles. But today he ran over 5 Miles.
I named my dog Naked. After work, I used to walk naked around the block. Then I got arrested because I don’t really have a dog.
If Hooters closed and became delivery only would they have to change their name to Knockers?
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie. Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.
Lance is an uncommon name nowdays. But in mediaeval times people were called Lance a lot.
My son Luke loves that we named him after a Star Wars character. My daughter Chewbacca not so much.
My name is ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. It’s pronounced “Noel.”
I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson. He said, “But dad, your name is Brian.” I said, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson.”
Why isn’t holy water used in vaccines? Because you can’t take the Lord’s name in vein.
In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl. Her name was Himcules.
After my wife had given birth to our baby, the nurse asked me, “Do you have a name yet?” I said, “Yes. Steve.” She giggled, “Awww! That’s a lovely name!” I replied, “Thanks. But what do you think we should call the baby?”
My dad banned me from saying “Hell”, so I asked, “Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?” He said, “I heaven’t”
What is Yoda’s last name? Layheehoo.
My father’s name is Lee. My name is Riley. As a kid, if I ever said the word “apparently”, he would interrupt to shout, “A son Riley!”
I told my son Facebook is changing its name to Meta. He asked, “What’s a Meta?” I said, “Nothing, what’s a Meta with you?”
How Long is a Chinese name.
My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially because his name’s Steve.
My wife got mad because I don’t know Eminem’s real name. I just don’t see why it Mathers.
My wife is constantly changing her name, but gets mad at me when I call her the new name. Sometimes it’s hungry, sometimes it’s tired, sometimes it’s angry. Please help.
Someone: I like your name! Me: Thanks, I got it for my birthday.
Pippin: “I’m Pippin. It’s not my real name, it’s just a nickname.” Elrond: “What’s Pippin short for?” Gandalf: “He’s a Hobbit.”
Accordian to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments often goes undetected.
Today I learned: The writer Stephen King has a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
A guy walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Oh, what an interesting companion you have there. What’s his name?” The guy replies, “Tiny” and the bartender asks, “Why’d you name him that?” The guy responds, “Because he’s my newt.”
I’ve just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone. It’s Hans free now.
I met a man named Jim Apple the other day. He has trouble introducing himself in France.
I named my dog “Stay”. Every time I call him he gets really confused.
I named my two dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re my watch dogs.
Found out my wife is cheating on me today. When I asked when she’d be home, she said, “10-15 minutes max.” My name is Stephen.
Guys, to be frank … I would have to change my name.
I have a playlist of songs from Eminem, The Cranberries, and the Peanuts. I named it The Trail Mix.
Does anyone know Bruce Lee’s dad’s name? It’s always been a Mr. Lee to me.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna One … Anna Two.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him. He’s the new temp.
[At the wedding] Priest: Repeat after me… Groom: After me… Priest, looking at bride: Is he serious? Bride: No, his name is Mike.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I said, “Don’t be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!”
Not bragging but I made six figures last year. So they named me the year’s worst employee at the toy factory.
“Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?” “Rhino!” “We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it’s not your turn.”
I buy all my guns from a guy named “T-Rex”. He’s a small arms dealer.
I’m going to name my son Pert and then change his name. So whatever he does, he’ll be an expert.
Saw a guy walking around the Olympic village holding a nine foot stick. I asked, “Are you a pole vaulter?” He responded, “No, I’m German. And how did you know my name was Walter?”
Mario is a Japanese character. So his family name is likely Itsumi. Or in Japanese name order it would be Itsumi Mario.
Jokes About Names
If you enjoyed these puns and jokes about names, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, including these: