Memorial Day Jokes And Quotes

Memorial Day is an America federal holiday to remember those who have died while serving in the Armed Forces. Here is a collection of funny Memorial Day jokes and quotes.

Header image for a page of funny Memorial Day jokes and quotes.

Funny Memorial Day Jokes And Quotes

A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him.

“What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman.

“All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked.

The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.”

The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”

What is a cow’s favorite holiday?

Moomorial Day.

What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a group of veterans parading towards them on Memorial Day?

You gotta Mufasa.

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. “My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper.”

“A paratrooper?” asked the teacher, who was awed.

“Yes, please look closer – you can see his jump badge.”

Second was Joe. “My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor.”

“A doctor?” Asked the teacher, who was moved.

“Yeah, see? That’s a stethoscope hanging around her neck.”

Third was little Johnny, “This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician.”

“An electrician?” Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

“Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet.”

If you want to avoid traffic this Memorial Day then avoid traveling on Memorial Way Weekend.

Little Johnny asked his mother during the Memorial Day Parade, “Mamma, don’t soldiers ever go to heaven?”

“Of course they do!” protested his mother. “What makes you ask?”

“There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards.” he replied.

The mother responded, “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to heaven get there by a close shave.”

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America.

The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

America: Where we celebrate Memorial Day with mattress sales.

I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day.

None of them responded.

Any tips or ideas on what to do for Memorial Day?

I forgot what to do.

What’s the best part about having Memorial Day off?

Three straight days without a school shooting.

My favorite Memorial Day tradition is spilling BBQ sauce on my white pants.

How many feet are in a yard?

It depends how many people have come to the Memorial Day barbecue.

The only traffic I plan to encounter this Memorial Day weekend is on the internet.

Lots of people don’t have to work today.

Which is why my motto is “Live every day like it’s Memorial Day”.

It’s going to be a hot Memorial Day weekend, so our town’s ice store is having a liquidation sale.

I hope bad weather doesn’t ruin the Memorial Day plans I didn’t make.

On the occasion of Memorial Day, I just want to remind you that one good thing that you can do for the nation is not going into the army.

My Memorial Day weekend will be a vacation from listening to your plans for Memorial Day weekend.

Happy Memorial Day to someone who gets post-traumatic stress from watching Saving Private Ryan in HD.


This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer.

The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off.

I hope it doesn’t rain on Memorial Day.

Or else we’re going to have a lot of spare ribs.

Funny Quotes And Jokes About Memorial Day

If you enjoyed our funny quotes and jokes about Memorial Day, be sure to take a look around the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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