Flight Attendant Jokes

We thought we’d serve you the best flight attendant jokes! They’re sure to take off and go viral!

Header image for a page of funny flight attendant jokes and puns.

Funny Flight Attendant Jokes

The flight attendant was a wise guy on my last flight after we had a bumpy landing.

“Sorry about the rough landing, it wasn’t the captain’s fault, it certainly wasn’t my fault, it was the asphalt.”

I asked the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby.

Apparently you’re not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.

A vulture was boarding a plane and he brought with him a dead racoon.

The flight attendant, mortified by the sight and stench, pointed at the carcass and asked, “Sir, why did you bring a dead racoon with you?”

The vulture said, “Oh this? This is my carrion luggage.”

I sleep better naked.

Why can’t the flight attendant understand that?

A nervous passenger asked the flight attendant, “How often do planes crash?”

The flight attendant replied, “Just once.”

I was checking in to a flight and the time came to pick a seat.

The flight attendant asked, “Window or aisle?”

To which I replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

I asked the flight attendant what was in the spaghetti sauce.

She said don’t worry it’s plane pasta.

My flight attendant today told a lot of unfunny jokes that no one laughed at.

I don’t think his stand-up career is ever gonna take off.

The flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

“What are my choices?” he asked.

“Yes or no,” she replied.

Flight attendant: Can I get you a beverage, sir?

Guy: Coke please.

Flight attendant: Okay would you like it in the can?

Guy: Uh, no, right here is fine.

A mother and her young daughter are on a plane.

The daughter asks her mother, “Mommy, if big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

The mother stumbled and didn’t have an answer for that one so she desperately looks around and replies, “I don’t know sweetie, why don’t you go ask that nice flight attendant, I’m sure she’ll have an answer.”

So the little girl goes up the the flight attendant and asks, “If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, then why don’t big planes have baby planes?”

Immediately the flight attendant is suspicious, “Did your mother tell you to come over here and ask me that?”

“Yep”, answers the little girl.

So the flight attendant thinks on it for a few seconds then kneels down to the daughters level.

“You go over there and you tell your mother it’s because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time. Ask your mom to explain that to you.”

What’s the difference between a plane engine and a flight attendant?

The engine stops whining after take-off.

A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replies, “I’d rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips.”

The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, “Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice.”

Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, “Would you like some headphones?”

He replies, “Yes, that would be very nice, but it’s pronounced ‘Fonz’.”

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering.

I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, “Whatever you do, please don’t ask about the engines.”

What do you call a pregnant flight attendant?

Pilot error.

The best part of being a flight attendant…

Has to be when you walk the aisle saying “trash” to everyone’s face.

What did the football player say to the flight attendant?

“Put me in coach.”

After a plane lands, a man asks the flight attendant, “Is it chilly outside?”

“No sir, I’m afraid we are in Buenos Aires.”

Flight Attendant: Please don’t forget to activate ‘airplane mode’.

Me: Running around with my arms spread making airplane noises.

More Funny Jokes

If these jokes about flight attendants made you smile, be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these:

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