Mountain Climbers

My advice to anyone wanting to climb the mountains between France and Spain:

You will need strong legs and a good Pyrenees.

Archaeology Party

I went to an archaeology party where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg.

It was a shindig.

Donor Card

I just accidentally put my donor card into the ATM machine.

It cost me an arm and a leg.

Budgie Broken Leg

My budgie broke his leg today so I made him a splint out of matchsticks.

His little face lit up when he tried to walk.

Jaws Backwards

Fun Fact: Did you know if you watch Jaws backwards …

It’s a very heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Two Brown Legs

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

Frozen Peg Leg

What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer?

Shiver me timbers!

New Year

Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot.

Sandal Inventor

I invented a sandal for one legged people.

It was a flop.

Injured Goblin

What do you call a goblin with an injured leg?

A hobblin’.

Leg Day

Honestly, I don’t mind leg day at the gym.

It’s just the two days after that I can’t stand.

Leg Kick

I can’t stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.

Strange Disease

I went to see the doctor with a nasty rash on the top of my leg.

I said to him, “The strange thing is when I squeeze the pus out of the pimples, I hear pop songs playing”.

He said, “You have a severe case of spotty thigh”.

Artificial Leg

I just bought my wife an artificial leg for Christmas.

It’s not her main present, just a stocking filler.

Break A Leg

Breaking a leg during an audition…

Ensures that you end up in the cast.

One Legged Girlfriend

I’ve started dating a one-legged girl who works at a brewery.

She’s in charge of the hops.

Legless Dog

My dog hasn’t got any legs so I call him Cigarette.

Every night when I get home from work I take him for a drag.