Fired Jokes

I just got fired, and as severance, my company gave me a bag of used coffee.

They said it was grounds for termination.

I fired my personal trainer because he made me lift weights with my belly.

I just couldn’t handle all the ab use.

I was fired from my job as a test marker.

I don’t know why; I always gave 100%.

There’s no way I’m working for my boss after what he said to me.

He said, “You’re fired!”

Why did Gandalf get fired from the university?

No matter how hard they studied, he kept telling all the students, “You shall not pass!”

I got fired from the bomb squad today.

It’s too bad really…

I had a blast working there.

My massage therapist got fired.

I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.

What only does its job after it’s fired?

A bullet.

I just got fired from my job as a stage designer.

I wasn’t very happy but left without making a scene.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, “Clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment …

Is that when you get fired you still have to show up the next day.

I’ve just been fired from my job at the clock-making factory.

After all those extra hours I put in.

I’ve just been fired from my job at Pepsi.

I tested positive for Coke.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.