LaffGaff Archives

Postcard Museum

Went to the postcard museum the other week.

Nothing to write home about.

Bank Manager

My bank manager doesn’t give my business ideas the credit they deserve.

Silent Film

I forgot to go the dress rehearsal of a silent film I was supposed to be in.

Mime mistake.

Bald Devil

Did you hear that the devil is going bald?

There’s gonna be hell toupee.

Jewellery Business

I’m planning on starting a jewellery business.

If you want to help, give me a ring.

Architect Advice

What’s the best kind of advice to give to an architect?

Constructive criticism.

Church Music

Why can’t skeletons play church music?

They don’t have any organs.

Casino Nun

My friend insists on dressing as a nun to go to the casino.

It’s her gambling habit.

Rhino Weight

Someone asked me how you weigh a rhino.

I said, “It’s just like weighing a person, except on a much larger scale.”

Sick Fireplace

My fireplace is sick.

I think it’s come down with the flue.

Proofreaders

There are two typos of people in the world.

Those who proofread and those who don’t.

48 Pancakes

I asked the waiter if I could get 48 pancakes on a single plate.

He said he wasn’t sure, that’s a pretty tall order.

Hotel Receptionist

At first I was excited about my new job as a hotel receptionist.

Then I started to get reservations.

Cinema Worker

I told the doctor that I kept thinking I worked at a cinema.

He told me I was just projecting.

Healthy Laughing Joke

Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog.

So, now I’m sitting in the park laughing at all the joggers.

Giant Scrabble

They set up a giant Scrabble game at the local park.

I was gonna join, but the Q was too big.

Gold Miners

Why do gold miners support ghosts?

Because they are pro-spectres.

Cloud Phone

Never use a cloud-based phone.

You’ll end up with mist calls.