Spy Jokes And Puns

We went deep undercover to pick up these funny spy jokes and puns! There’s nothing low-key about the laughter they cause though!

Header image for a page of funny spy jokes and puns.

Funny Spy Jokes

Don’t be worried about your smartphone and TV spying on you.

Your vacuum has been gathering dirt on you for years!

Why did the spy cross the road?

He didn’t. He was never really on your side.

What type of shoes do spies wear?

Sneakers.

Why do spies keep working even when they’re asleep?

Because they’re undercover.

A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day.

The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair.

They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy.

They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grab the Italian spy.

Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 hours go by and the spy isn’t talking.

Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they give up and throw him back into the cell.

The German and French spy are impressed and ask him how he managed to not talk.

The Italian spy says, “I wanted to, but I couldn’t move my hands.”

Why do spies never use capitalization?

They like to stay low-key.

What does a spy do before going to sleep?

They go undercover.

Who is both a knight and a spy?

Sir Veillance.

Cardi B went into hiding after someone called her a Russian spy.

Turns out she’s cagey B.

In what part of a hospital do they spy on patients?

In the I.C.U.

Why does the government use microwaves to spy on you?

Because it’s the one place you can’t put tin foil.

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician.

He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian.

Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool.

He orders a drink and walks to the politician.

“Greetings, comrade.” says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, “I think you are American spy.”

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, “That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!”

He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.

“Very good, very good!” says the politician. “But I still think you are spy.”

The man continues to keep his cool.

“I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!”

He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.

“Amazing! You are skilled!” says the politician.

The spy smirks.

“But I still think you American spy.”

The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.

He replies, “I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!”

The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.

The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.

After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.

In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, “You are good, you are good… but I still think you are spy.”

The American spy, very drunk, loses his skill and gives up.

“Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?”

The Russian politician replies, “There aren’t many black people in Russia.”

Where does a spy sleep?

Under covers.

What do you call a cow spying on another cow?

A steak out.

My neighbor thinks I spy on her.

I would tell her otherwise, but she’s in the shower right now.

In a small town, there was a military base next to a small farm.

The NSA got reports that the farm has been listening all the bases communications.

So a bunch of NSA agents show at the doorstep of the farm.

One young agent goes to the farmer and tells him, “I am from the NSA and we have reports that you are spying on the base, so we are going to look in everything.”

The farmer tries to argue, but before he has said one word the agent cuts him off and says, “Do you see this badge? It says NSA, I can do whatever I want.”

“Well fine, but don’t go in the last room with the two big doors in the end of the corridor,” says the farmer.

“Do you see this BADGE? I can do whatever I want.”

So naturally the agent goes straight to the big closed doors in the last room in the end of the corridor.

As soon as he opens the doors a big raging bull storms out.

The farmer looks at the scared agent who tries to run and yells after him, “The badge, the badge, show him the badge!”

Two spies were captured by the goverment.

They both sat in the interrogation room.

The first spy whispered to the second spy, “Whatever you do… Dont say a word.”

An officer then came into the room and asked, “What is your name?”

The second spy just looked down for a few seconds and said, “Jabbaracko.”

The first spy stared at the second spy angrily and whispered, “What did i just say?!”

The second spy looked at the other and said, “Oh when we played Scrabble you said ‘thats not a word’ but NOW its a word!”

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead spy get caught behind enemy lines.

The enemy puts each of them against a fence to be shot.

The general orders his squad, “Ready. Aim.”

The brunette spy is quick on her feet and yells, “TORNADO! TORNADO! TORNADO!”

The entire firing squad goes to the bunker to hide and waits for the tornado to pass. The brunette then unties her bondage and escapes. The redhead spy sees this and comes up with her own plan. The firing squad returns to kill the remaining two spies.

The general orders again, “Ready. Aim.”

The redhead spy then shouts, “EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE! EARTHQUAKE!”

The enemy takes cover from the earthquake. The redhead spy then unties her bondage and escapes. The blonde spy is no dumby she gets an idea of her own. The firing squad returns to kill the last remaining spy.

The general orders once more, “Ready. Aim.”

The blonde spy ready to run yells, “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!”

What’s Canada’s spy agency?

The CI, eh?

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

More Funny Jokes

If you liked our hilarious jokes about spies, take a peek at the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes, such as these: