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The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.

But it was arson.

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.”

The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you.”

The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and sees that it’s a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist says, “Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription.”