These funny tattoo jokes and puns are sure to leave their mark on you! You definitely won’t be needled for re-telling them!
Funny Tattoo Jokes
Me: See? To prove I’m not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It’s.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It’s my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly…
Me: (slaps hand away) Don’t touch the thermos tat.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
I’m bald and I’m going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits.
So from a distance it looks like hares.
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlor to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlor wasn’t there.
My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.
It used to be a dolphin.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says, “There are no firearms allowed in this building.”
I am going to get a tattoo on my wrist that says “Terror”.
Then I can say to people, “Hey look, it’s a terror wrist.”
My son got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spade, all without my permission.
I might have to deal with him later.
I asked my wife whether I should get another tattoo, and she said that if I do, I should get it in a place that doesn’t matter.
So I’m planning to get one in Oklahoma.
What do you call a yeti tattoo on your stomach?
My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back.
Half way through he said, “Don’t forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand.”
The tattooist said, “Hang on pal, I’ve only just finished his turban.”
I got my tattoo artist to write “Tattoo artists are stupid” on my back.
I thought I got him pretty good until I realized the joke was on me.
First I got a tattoo on my cervical that said “5”.
Next, I got one on my thoracic that said “4”.
Then, I got one on my lumbar that said “3”.
After that, I got one on my Sacrum that said 2″.
And now, I.m getting one on my Coccyx that says “1”.
It’s the spinal countdown.
I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria.
Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell.
What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
“Do it,” I said. “But it might hurt you.”
“I know,” she replied. “But it’s only a needle.”
“No,” I said. “I mean being single.”
What do you call it when someone gets their whole face tattooed?
An everlasting job stopper.
I’m getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear.
The only reason I’m doing this is so when people ask me, “Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?”
I can say “Don’t worry about it. It’s ear elephant.”
I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos.
Now they won’t post m’loan.
More Funny Jokes
If you liked our hilarious jokes about tattoos be sure to check out the rest of LaffGaff for lots more funny jokes including these: