These funny tattoo jokes and puns are sure to leave their mark on you! You definitely won’t be needled for re-telling them!
Funny Tattoo Jokes
Me: See? To prove I’m not a boring house dad I went and got a tattoo!
Her: Oh, cool! It’s.. uh?
Me: (proudly) It’s my thermos! From work!
Her: (reaching towards me) Well, uh, the line work is certainly…
Me: (slaps hand away) Don’t touch the thermos tat.
People always ask where I got my incredibly detailed tattoo done, but they never believe me when I tell them Spain.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
I’m bald and I’m going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits.
So from a distance it looks like hares.
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlor to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlor wasn’t there.
My wife has a whale tattooed on her butt.
It used to be a dolphin.
My dad always said, “Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says, “There are no firearms allowed in this building.”
I am going to get a tattoo on my wrist that says “Terror”.
Then I can say to people, “Hey look, it’s a terror wrist.”
My son got tattoos of a heart, club, diamond and spade, all without my permission.
I might have to deal with him later.
I asked my wife whether I should get another tattoo, and she said that if I do, I should get it in a place that doesn’t matter.
So I’m planning to get one in Oklahoma.
What do you call a yeti tattoo on your stomach?
My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back.
Half way through he said, “Don’t forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand.”
The tattooist said, “Hang on pal, I’ve only just finished his turban.”
I got my tattoo artist to write “Tattoo artists are stupid” on my back.
I thought I got him pretty good until I realized the joke was on me.
First I got a tattoo on my cervical that said “5”.
Next, I got one on my thoracic that said “4”.
Then, I got one on my lumbar that said “3”.
After that, I got one on my Sacrum that said 2″.
And now, I.m getting one on my Coccyx that says “1”.
It’s the spinal countdown.
I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria.
Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell.
What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a banjo player?
My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.
“Do it,” I said. “But it might hurt you.”
“I know,” she replied. “But it’s only a needle.”
“No,” I said. “I mean being single.”
What do you call it when someone gets their whole face tattooed?
An everlasting job stopper.
I’m getting a tattoo of an elephant on my ear.
The only reason I’m doing this is so when people ask me, “Why do you have a tattoo of an elephant on your ear?”
I can say “Don’t worry about it. It’s ear elephant.”
I was approved to borrow money, but then the bank found out I want to be a rapper with face tattoos.
Now they won’t post m’loan.