Break Up Text

I received a text from my wife saying she was breaking up with me.

Imagine how relieved I was when a couple of minutes later she texted, “Sorry wrong number”.

Wife’s Text

My wife sent me a text saying, “Your the best!”

To which I replied, “No, you’re the best!”

She’s been on cloud 9 ever since, feeling so loved and in love.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that I was just correcting her grammar.

Break Up

I just texted my girlfriend Ruth and told her that its over between us.

I’m Ruthless.


We’ll We’ll We’ll…

If it isn’t autocorrect…

Fun Texting

I told my mom that “WTF” means “Wow, that’s fantastic.”

Her texts are so much more fun now.

A Romantic Wife

A wife, being of romantic disposition, sent a text to her husband one day. It read, “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

The husband, a typically non-romantic man, replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise…”

Texting And Driving

I was driving to work this morning when I saw a woman texting and driving.

I was so angry I rolled down my window and threw my beer can at her.

Pampering My Girlfriend

I love to pamper my girlfriend after she’s had a stressful day at work.

I get her to text me when she’s leaving so I can get the hot tap running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that the moment she walks through the door…

the dishes are piled up and waiting for her.

Autocorrected Text

A man received a text from his neighbor:

“I’m so sorry Bob. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been tapping your wife, day and night, when you’re not around. In fact, more than you. I’m not getting any at home, but that’s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won’t happen again.”

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in: “Darn autocorrect. I meant ‘wifi’ not ‘wife’!”

Difficult Text

It’s always difficult texting someone to tell them a loved one has passed away…

Especially when your name is Lol.

Out Of Order

Someone texted me in the middle of the night.

All the text said was “G A B N”.

I think that’s bang out of order.