Student Money Giver
What do you call a man who gives students money?
Grant.
Student Jokes
If we’ve learned anything, it’s that these funny student jokes are top of the class when it comes to hilarity!
Gandalf Fired
Why did Gandalf get fired from the university?
No matter how hard they studied, he kept telling all the students, “You shall not pass!”
High School Senior
A high school senior visited a psychic.
“I’ve applied to 10 different colleges,” the student said. “Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?”
“That is hard to say,” said the psychic. “But you will spend an absurd sum of money.”
“How do you know this?” the student asked.
The psychic replied …
“It’s mostly intuition.”
Diligent Student
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student, “Who is your father?”
The student replies, “The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father.”
Kim Jong beams. “Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?”
The student doesn’t hesitate. “The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother.”
Kim Jong applauds. “What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you’re older?”
The student replies, “An orphan.”
Early Leaver
A teacher told his students, “The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early.”
Suddenly, a pen came flying across the room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.
“Who threw that?!” the teacher shouted, angrily.
“Me!” piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. “Can I leave now?”
Broke Student
In college I was so broke I couldn’t afford the electricity bill.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
Law Student
What do a law student and a recovering alcoholic have in common?
They both have to pass the bar.
Computer Science Student
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, “Your money or your life!”
The student just keeps on walking as he says, “Sorry, I’m a computer science student, I don’t have either.”
Teaching Physics
Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff?
Because that’s where students have the most potential.
Art Students
I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers.
I mean you don’t see medical students calling themselves doctors…
Or art students calling themselves unemployed.
Student Loans
Thank you student loans, for helping me to get through college.
I don’t think I can ever repay you.
Strangely Named Student
A student visits the principal’s office one day.
The principal says to him, “What’s your name, son?”
The student replies: “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.”
The principal looks up and asks him, “Oh, do you have a stutter?”
The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a jerk.
Stand Up
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.
One child stood up and the teacher was surprised.
She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?”
He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
