Own Fragrance
I have just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting near me on the bus don’t look like they appreciate it, though.
Smell Jokes
These hilarious smell jokes and puns are nothing to turn your nose up at! They certainly don’t whiff, so there’s no need to kick up a stink about them!
Little Johnny Farts
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.
The principal walks by and sees him.
He asks, “Little Johnny, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?”
“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.”
The principal asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
“Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
New Tesla
Teslas don’t have a “New Car” smell.
They have an Elon Musk.
Two Suitors
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed.
The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables.
The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even seen a bath. He was pretty much the most foul human you could imagine.
Yet the woman wed the second man.
Because no matter how gross you pictured him to be…
The first man was just a little grocer.
Wine Taster
The wine taster at an old vineyard died and his old job was advertised.
A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply.
He persuaded the reluctant manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit.
“It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said.
“Impressive,” said the manager.
The man was then given another.
“Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine.
The drunkard tasted it and said, “It’s a blonde, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!”
Strange Deodorant
My friend once used laughing gas as deodorant.
He smelled funny the whole day.
Nice Smelling Pope
Which Pope smells the nicest?
Pope Pourri.
Smelly Hatchets
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell.
I love foreign axe scents.
Between You And Me
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
Spoiled Kids
My wife said to me, “Honey, do you think our kids are spoiled?”
I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”
Deodorant Stick
I bought a deodorant stick today.
The instructions said, “Remove cap and push up bottom.”
I can barely walk but when I fart the room does smell lovely.
Don’t Blame The Dog
This young Korean couple are lying in bed when the guy starts farting non-stop.
The girl can’t stand the smell and says, “Stop that! It’s disgusting!”
The guy says, “Don’t blame me, it’s the dog.”
“Don’t blame him,” says the girl. “He was cooked perfectly.”
Silent But Deadly
This little old lady visits her doctor and says to him, “I have a problem with really bad gas, Doctor, but to be honest it really doesn’t bother me too much because my farts are always silent and never, ever smell. Actually, I must have farted at least fifteen times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t even realize I was farting because like I said my farts don’t smell and are completely silent.”
The doctor replies, “I see, hmm…. try taking one of these pills every night and come back and see me again next week.”
The next week the little old lady returns to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I don’t know what the heck those pills were that you gave me, but now my farts, although they are still silent, my God, they stink awful!”
The doctor says, “Good! Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
Me And My Smelly Bum
My wife complains that she will not share the same bed as “me and my smelly bum.”
Well, I don’t like him sleeping on the street.
