Hair Washing Party
I’ve been invited to a hair washing party.
I’ve no excuse not to go.
Party Jokes
Don’t be a party pooper – celebrate with these hilarious party jokes and puns!
Childhood Punishments
1. Going to bed early.
2. Not leaving my house.
3. Not going to a party.
My childhood punishments are now my adult goals.
Contractor Party
I threw a party for all the contractors who helped build my house. The door guy showed up late.
But he really knew how to make an entrance.
Archaeology Party
I went to an archaeology party where they were only looking for remains of a lower leg.
It was a shindig.
Surprise Birthday Party
Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Spanish Themed Party
I first met my wife at a Spanish themed party.
We both had castanets and we just clicked.
Neighbor Sleep
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am this morning and said, “I can’t sleep.”
“Well it’s your lucky day,” I said. “We’ve got a party going on in here, come in.”
Costume Party
I went to a costume party last night, dressed as a screwdriver.
Turned a few heads.
Giraffe Fancy Dress
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as a giraffe.
I didn’t win a prize but I still left with my head held high.
Fourth Birthday Party
Today was my son’s fourth birthday party.
I didn’t recognize him at first.
I’d never seen him be four.
Party Accident
Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire and Tom Holland got into an accident upon arriving at a party.
As it turns out, they’re terrible parallel parkers.
Bring Toilet Paper
Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings?
For all the party poopers.
New Year Party
I never remember what people tell me at New Year’s parties.
It goes in one year and out the other.
Large Dinosaur Bone
Paleontologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia.
It’s going to be quite the shindig.
House-Warming Party
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I’m homeless.
Harp Costume
I went to a costume party dressed as a harp.
The host asked me, “What are you dressed as?”
I told him, “I’m a harp.”
He said, “But your costume is too small to be a harp.”
I was incredibly offended, and asked him, “Are you calling me a lyre?!”
After Match Party
After my son’s team won the soccer game, the goalkeeper invited us to his house for a party.
It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.
Favorite Twin
I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
Teddy Bear
A little girl is having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear. She says, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”
The bear replies, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
Judge Costume Party
A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed as a convict for a costume party.
He soon learned you should never book a judge by their cover.
Billionaire Marriage
A 60 year-old billionaire gets married to a super hot 21 year old girl.
At the party after the ceremony, the billionaire is talking to an old friend who wants to know the secret of how he such a beautiful, young bride.
“It’s easy” the billionaire boasts, “I just lied about my age.”
The friend replies, “Yes, but even for a 45 year-old guy, she is stunning. By the way, what age did you tell her you are?”
With a smile, the billionaire says, “85.”
Lawyer And Doctor
A doctor is at a party where he gets to talking to a lawyer friend. He tells the lawyer how sick he is of his friends always asking him for free medical advice.
The lawyer says, “Just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox.”
The doctor says he’ll give this a try and thanks his lawyer friend.
When the doctor gets home, he finds a bill in the mailbox from his lawyer.
Mother’s Favorite Son
Yesterday, my mum asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party.
That’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.
