Stolen Car
Someone stole my car last night but left their mobile phone in the parking space.
Went from Kia to Nokia overnight.
Parking Jokes
If you’ve got space for some laughter in your life, then these hilarious parking jokes will fit right in!
Hospital Parking
I parked in a hospital car park today.
The attendant came up and said, “This is for badge holders only”.
I said, “But I’ve got a bad shoulder”.
Cheap Parking
I agreed to drive my wife downtown to see a movie because she said parking would be cheap.
But the parking was a lot.
Parking Spaces
How are parking spaces measured?
In parking meters.
Price Complaints
I’m really tired of people complaining about the price of everything.
$2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking…
I’m just going to stop inviting them to my house.
Party Accident
Andrew Garfield, Tobey McGuire and Tom Holland got into an accident upon arriving at a party.
As it turns out, they’re terrible parallel parkers.
Parking Ticket
I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, “Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket so I called him a pencil-necked cop.
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!
So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he’s so ugly.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on until he had placed 5 tickets on the windshield… the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.
I didn’t care. My car was parked around the corner.
Senior Citizens
This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, “Look, if you don’t let me unlock the door you’re never going to get in there!”
Bad Parkers
Why are women so bad at parking cars?
Because for the last 200 years they’ve been told that three inches are actually six.
Shared Parking
I have a shared parking lot with my neighbor.
I don’t like him much, but I’ve decided to try to be his friend. After all…
We have a lot in common.
Parking
I said to my doctor, “I think I might have ADHD, because I can’t remember where I parked my Ford!”
She said, “That’s not how ADHD works.”
I said, “But I keep losing my Focus!”
Repeat Infractions
I said to the judge, “60% of my parking tickets are bogus!”
He said, “Repeat infractions?”
I said, “Okay, 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!”
Worst Case Ever!
I went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All 5 of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
Parking Ticket
I got a parking ticket for being parked illegally the other day and I’ve no idea why.
The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking”.
Not Much Space Needed
Parking a single car doesn’t need much space.
But parking 200 cars, now that needs a lot.
Dating In Your Thirties
Dating in your thirties is like looking for a parking spot.
The best ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
