Prefer Math
People often ask me why I prefer to teach math instead of English.
I tell them it’s because fractions speak louder than verbs.
These funny math jokes and puns certainly differentiate themselves from others! They won’t cause any division among you!
People often ask me why I prefer to teach math instead of English.
I tell them it’s because fractions speak louder than verbs.
Pro tip: Always wear glasses when doing math.
It helps with division.
Who is in favor of bringing Roman numerals back into use?
I for one.
I pirated a movie last night.
Gave it 3.14 stars.
Someone stole my broken calculator, but I don’t know why.
It just doesn’t add up.
Improper Fraction Helpdesk.
Now open 24/7.
How do 37 mathematicians board a bus with only 36 seats?
They carry the one.
When measuring the circumference of a pie, using one pie is not enough.
But 2πr.
A 5-sided figure is a pentagon, and a 6-sided figure is a hexagon. What shall we call a 2-sided figure?
Let’s just let bigons be bigons.
I don’t like math puns.
But I will make one if I half two.
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81…
He said no!
Growing up we didn’t have a lot of money.
I had to use a hand-me-down calculator with no multiplication symbol on it.
Times were hard.
I went for a job interview and the interviewer asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words.
“Not very good at math,” I replied.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend.
She was still obsessed with her x.
My girlfriend keeps telling me to stop making math puns.
She thinks they’re irrational.
I asked my dog what’s two minus two.
He said nothing.
A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.
As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.
Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elephant Squire had ten sons, but the Hippo Squire was childless. The Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire sent there eighteen sons to kill the Hippo Squire, but the Hippo Squire drew his sword and single-handedly slaughtered all eighteen of them.
And thus, it was proven once and for all that the squire of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squires of the other two hides.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7, 8.
Why are bacteria so bad at math?
Because they multiply by dividing.
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
A calcunow.
I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.
What are the odds?
What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?
Prime rib.
When people think of calculators they think the buttons are the most important thing.
But it’s what’s inside that counts.
I failed my calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins.
It was hard to differentiate between them.
English puns make me feel numb.
But math puns make me feel number.
You know the problem with calculus jokes?
They’re all too derivative.
Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left?
The opposite of right.
I’ve decided to become a math teacher, but I’m only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t worry about him. He’s just a product of our times.
I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
Oh well, hindsight is 1.
While most puns make me feel numb…
Math puns make me feel number.
Nothing’s better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old.
Those are the years you’re in your prime.
I’ve got a hen who can count her own eggs.
She’s a mathamachicken.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What did 20 do when he was hungry?
28.
I heard 8/10 Americans are bad at math.
Glad to know I’m in the other 2%.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very hard?
Because X was always 10.
Mathematics is 90% common sense.
The other half is intelligence.
A mathematician couldn’t remember if he had been with his girlfriend for 1 year or 2.
But he knew it was <3.