Bank Manager
My bank manager doesn’t give my business ideas the credit they deserve.
Manager Jokes
We hope you manage to enjoy these hilarious manager jokes! If not, you’d better complain to the, err… manager!
Poor Quality Oats
I bought some oats for my horse but returned them because they were poor quality.
The manager took my feedback.
Hotel Room
A man goes to a hotel and asks the manager, “How much for a room?”
The manager says, “It’s a $100 regular and $15 if you make your own bed.”
Excitedly the man says, “OK, I’ll make my own bed then.”
“OK, I’ll go get you some nails and wood.”
Early Arrival
I arrived early to the restaurant and the manager asked, “Do you mind waiting a bit?”
I said, “No”.
“Good,” he said. “Take these drinks to table nine.”
Teabag Row
I was in a cafe today and two waitresses had a massive row over how long to leave a teabag in the cup and it got so bad it ended up in violence.
I asked the manager what had happened and he told me it had been brewing for ages.
Engineer And Calculator
What do you call an engineer who doesn’t know how to use a calculator?
A project manager.
Wine Taster
The wine taster at an old vineyard died and his old job was advertised.
A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply.
He persuaded the reluctant manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit.
“It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said.
“Impressive,” said the manager.
The man was then given another.
“Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine.
The drunkard tasted it and said, “It’s a blonde, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!”
Posh Theater
A man lays sprawled across three entire seats at a posh theater.
Before the show has even started, an usher walks by and notices the man.
“Sir, you’re only allowed one seat, can you please sit up?”
The man groans, but remains seated.
The usher, becoming impatient with the man, says, “Sir, if you don’t get up, I will need to get my manager involved.”
Again the man just groans, which infuriates the usher so he marches off to get the manager.
In a few moments he returns with the manager and they both repeatedly attempt to move him, but with no success.
It’s at this point that the manager calls the police.
Moments later, a police officer arrives and approaches the man, “Alright buddy, what’s your name?”
“Sam,” the man moans.
“And where ya from Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replies, “The balcony.”
Risk Assessment
I got sacked from my job as restaurant manager today after one of my staff lost three fingers in an electric food mixer.
Apparently I failed to do a proper whisk assessment.
Cheap Drinks
A guy walks into a bar and orders the finest Scotch.
The bartender pours him the drink and passes it to him saying, “That will be $2, Sir.”
The guy says, “Woah, that’s really cheap. You’re good people; I want to thank your manager. Where is he?”
The bartender replies, “In the hotel room, Sir, with my wife.”
The guy asks, “What’s he doing with your wife?”
“The same thing I’m doing with his business.”
